The growing number of overweight  people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Obesity and
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
issues associated with it is a very important debate in
current
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the current
show examples
world situation, where overweight individuals are quite common. Prevention is always better than cure.
Hence
, I agree
to
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with
show examples
the point of introducing more physical
education
in school and college
curriculum
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curricula
show examples
to help prevent the growing concern of obesity. One of the major reasons for
increase
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the increase
an increase
show examples
in the number of overweight people is the modern way of living. People prefer
comfort
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the comfort
show examples
of home, scrolling through social media
than
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to
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stepping out of the house. Being overweight not only impacts an individual but
also
increases the strain on
health care
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healthcare
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industries.
Introduction
Correct article usage
The introduction
show examples
of mandatory physical
education
in schools and colleges can increase physical
activties
Correct your spelling
activity
activities
in young people. Educational
institues
Correct your spelling
institutes
should
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
physical
education
in the curriculum. A balanced physical and academic
education
will promote
for
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apply
show examples
well
rounded
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well-rounded
show examples
development of
children
leading to healthier adults in future. Many countries have made physical
education
mandatory in schools in many ways
such
as providing additional scores for
children
participating in sports. Universities in many countries give
scholarship
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scholarships
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to
children
with sports
background
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backgrounds
show examples
. Many countries have
also
added nutrition
education
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the curriculum. Actions like
such
will motivate
children
to take up
physcial
Correct your spelling
physical
education
.
This
will not only lead to
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
health
benefits but will
also
reduce the stress on healthcare systems. Implementing more physical
education
can
also
be difficult to tackle
due to
lack
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a lack
show examples
of trained staff and facilities.
Government
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The government
show examples
needs to invest more
on
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in
show examples
health
education
infrastructure to ease the process.
Children
spend a minimum of 6 to 8 hours a day in schools and colleges.
Hence
, it is the
responsinbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of educational institutions to include more physical
education
and guide
children
to have a better mind and better
health
.
Submitted by sai.shruti17.d on

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coherence and cohesion
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Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • strain
  • mandatory
  • long-term
  • well-rounded development
  • diet education
  • community sports
  • parental involvement
  • potential challenges
  • facilities
  • trained staff
  • case studies
  • public health
  • responsibility
  • individual choice
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