Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Others claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both opinions and tell which side do you agree?
In sports, many young adults are inspired by famous
players
to pursue their dreams of becoming a professional
Correct the article-noun agreement
a professional player
professional players
players
like their idols. This
trend definitely will have positive impacts on the youth, and can also
result in some drawbacks.
The exposure to social media about famous players
has spurred the interest of young people to train like their role models. For example
, a well-known football
player Kylian Mbappe
was inspired by Christiano Ronaldo (CR7), one of the greatest of all time in football
history, which I have been witnessing
too. When Wrong verb form
witnessed
Mbappe
was still in the training phase as a kid, he used to watch the footage of CR7's skills and dream of playing like him. He also
collected pictures and stickers in his room, just to keep him motivated. Today, Mbappe
is now becoming the highest-paid football
player and also
joined the former club CR7, Real Madrid. This
phenomenon proves that dreaming to be
like an idol will help the youths to succeed in their professional career.
Following famous Change preposition
of being
players
could be also
a negative trend if the young players
do not believe in their natural potential. I strongly believe that each individual has a unique character that differs from everyone else. In my opinion, although
Mbappe
dreamed of being like CR7, Mbappe
is totally having different skills and styles in playing football
. The young generation should be able to dig deeply into their true potential and sharpen it.
In summary, having role models in sports will help the next young players
to stay motivated in achieving their dreams. However
, they should also
believe in their own potential.Submitted by fakhruddinmasse on
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conclusion
The essay could be strengthened by slightly expanding the conclusion to more fully summarize the key points made, and also consider adding a final thought or recommendation. This will leave a stronger impression on the reader.
grammar
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'This trend definitely will have positive impacts on the youth, and can also result in some drawbacks.' A more natural phrasing would be 'This trend will definitely have positive impacts on the youth, but can also result in some drawbacks.'
development
The second body paragraph could benefit from further elaboration on how young players might undermine their own potential by overly mimicking their idols. Provide more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate your point.
examples
The essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument and providing specific examples, such as the example of Mbappé and Cristiano Ronaldo.
structure
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the conclusion gives a clear summary of your stance while highlighting the importance of balancing inspiration with self-belief.
cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical, helping to maintain a cohesive flow throughout the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?