Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Others claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both opinions and tell which side do you agree?

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In sports, many young adults are inspired by famous

players

Use synonyms

to pursue their dreams of becoming

a professional

Correct the article-noun agreement

a professional player

professional players

show examples

players

Use synonyms

like their idols.

This

Linking Words

trend definitely will have positive impacts on the youth, and can

also

Linking Words

result in some drawbacks. The exposure to social media about famous

players

Use synonyms

has spurred the interest of young people to train like their role models.

For example

Linking Words

, a well-known

football

Use synonyms

player Kylian

Mbappe

Use synonyms

was inspired by Christiano Ronaldo (CR7), one of the greatest of all time in

football

Use synonyms

history, which I have

been witnessing

Wrong verb form

witnessed

show examples

too. When

Mbappe

Use synonyms

was still in the training phase as a kid, he used to watch the footage of CR7's skills and dream of playing like him. He

also

Linking Words

collected pictures and stickers in his room, just to keep him motivated. Today,

Mbappe

Use synonyms

is now becoming the highest-paid

football

Use synonyms

player and

also

Linking Words

joined the former club CR7, Real Madrid.

This

Linking Words

phenomenon proves that dreaming

to be

Change preposition

of being

show examples

like an idol will help the youths to succeed in their professional career. Following famous

players

Use synonyms

could be

also

Linking Words

a negative trend if the young

players

Use synonyms

do not believe in their natural potential. I strongly believe that each individual has a unique character that differs from everyone else. In my opinion,

although

Linking Words

Mbappe

Use synonyms

dreamed of being like CR7,

Mbappe

Use synonyms

is totally having different skills and styles in playing

football

Use synonyms

. The young generation should be able to dig deeply into their true potential and sharpen it. In summary, having role models in sports will help the next young

players

Use synonyms

to stay motivated in achieving their dreams.

However

Linking Words

, they should

also

Linking Words

believe in their own potential.

fakhruddinmasseSun Aug 04 2024

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conclusion

The essay could be strengthened by slightly expanding the conclusion to more fully summarize the key points made, and also consider adding a final thought or recommendation. This will leave a stronger impression on the reader.

grammar

Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'This trend definitely will have positive impacts on the youth, and can also result in some drawbacks.' A more natural phrasing would be 'This trend will definitely have positive impacts on the youth, but can also result in some drawbacks.'

development

The second body paragraph could benefit from further elaboration on how young players might undermine their own potential by overly mimicking their idols. Provide more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate your point.

examples

The essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument and providing specific examples, such as the example of Mbappé and Cristiano Ronaldo.

structure

The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the conclusion gives a clear summary of your stance while highlighting the importance of balancing inspiration with self-belief.

cohesion

The transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical, helping to maintain a cohesive flow throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Others claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both opinions and tell which side do you agree?

Your opinion

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

Some people think that we sould replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Movies with spectacular car chases are a thrill to watch and fun too but they have led to an increase in car accidents on urban roads. Do you agree? What do you think can be done to make the youth more aware of road safety?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?