Is teaching people over 65 to use computers the best way to spend government money? To what extent do you agree?
Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
says
if the government invest money Correct subject-verb agreement
say
training
how to use Change preposition
in training
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
to
ageing Change preposition
apply
people
who is
65 years old and over, it will gain a lot of advantages. Change the verb form
are
While
others against
the idea. I am totally disagree with the training thinking. Add a missing verb
are against
This
essay will examine those two ideas and also
my own opinion.
In the modern world, it is hard to deny that people
using computer
and internet as a part of their daily life
no matter what age they are. Computer
can Fix the agreement mistake
Computers
use
for many prospects Wrong verb form
be used
such
as finding information, connecting with friends, and entertaining themselves. Training eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
to use computer
will bring Fix the agreement mistake
computers
a
plenty of benefits to their Remove the article
apply
life
in many ways.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
On the other hand
, there are many important things for older people
rather than learning computer
. I can say that it is not Fix the agreement mistake
computers
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
training
older Change the verb form
to train
person
when they are not interested in it. In my opinion, Fix the agreement mistake
people
government
should spend money to improve their Add an article
the government
better
living. For instant, creating activities in community each week, providing services for daily Correct word choice
apply
life
, and creating good facilities for them.
In conclusion, although
people
think that spending money for
Change preposition
on
computer
training for people
older than 65-year-old
and above is a good idea Correct your spelling
65 years old
but
I disagree with that. Since there are other things which make their Remove the conjunction
apply
life
happier. However
, coins have two sides. If government
can support Add an article
the government
about
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
computer
training for the
Correct article usage
apply
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
who interested
and Add a missing verb
are interested
also
support in
other important prospects as well. It will be the best Change preposition
apply
benefits
for them.Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
Submitted by sasi.jariyasirikul on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to include an introduction that clearly presents the topic and your position, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively and reaffirms your stance.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with detailed and relevant examples. Your points are not adequately exemplified, which affects the persuasiveness of your argument.
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task achievement
Use a wide range of vocabulary accurately to express precise meaning and avoid repetition. Try to address spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors to enhance clarity and coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.