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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways.

#people #success #measure #intelligence
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It is arguable that high achievements are the best way to estimate intellectual
abilites
Correct your spelling
abilities
. I believe that
this
 is a wrong method of evaluating intellectual skills, because a number of individuals succeed only
due to
 luck,
whereas
 some can not get high achievements,
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 they are particularly clever or not. Here is a couple of arguments to support my point of view. First of all, there are lots of successful people who got extremely lucky
aquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
 wealth, without even having any intellectual abilities. There might be individuals whose parents are very rich,
therefore
 they are provided with fortune. (I have not gotten any real examples
neither
Correct word choice
either
show examples
 from my experience
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 from my knowledge).
Secondly
, a large number of people, though possessing high intellectual abilities, did not become successful. The main reason for
this
 is the fact that intelligence is not the key factor for success.
For instance
, if a person has a poor social status and a low
economycal
Correct your spelling
economical
economic
 base, despite being strong-minded, is not able to achieve great success. (I have not gotten any real examples
neither
Correct word choice
either
show examples
 from my experience
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 from my knowledge).
To sum up
, I believe that high achievements
aquired
Correct your spelling
acquired
 by individuals are not necessarily caused by their great
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, because there are many cases that deny the opposite,
although
 intelligence mostly results in success.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
It would be helpful to provide specific examples to support your points. Personal experiences, famous people or studies would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to make the essay more cohesive. Words such as 'in addition', 'furthermore', and 'since' can help connect ideas more smoothly.
general
Make sure to proofread your work for minor linguistic inaccuracies. Small grammatical errors can take away from the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and easy to understand.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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