IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways.

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The topic of success has certainly grown in our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 life.
While
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 some individuals believe that one’s high achievements are based on their
intelligence
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, others opine that their IQ could be measured in numerous ways. Personally, I believe each person deserves a chance to show their potential
thru
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through
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 different methods, because some people are stripped of resources, as they live in an underdeveloped country,
as well as
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 the elevated number of people who
chose
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choose
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 to work an average job, putting aside their personal ambitions for stability and security.
Firstly
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, a reason
as to
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apply
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why
intelligence
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 cannot be solely measured by success is that many individuals face significant challenges
due to
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 their personal circumstances,
having
Correct word choice
and having
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 limited opportunities.
For example
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, someone from a developing country may possess great qualities which show their judgement but lack the resources,
such
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 as education of a higher standard or even career opportunities, which terminates their improvement.
However
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, their ability
of thinking
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to think
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 critically,
adapting
Wrong verb form
adapt
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 to their environment and quickly
finding
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find
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 a solution to serious problems demonstrates the fact that one’s intellect is not necessarily reflected in conventional success.
Secondly
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, smarts could be manifested in
lots of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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various ways,
such
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 as emotional
intelligence
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, decision making or even the knowledge they acquire throughout life.
For instance
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, a person working as a teacher, accountant, or nurse might not be viewed as highly successful by conventional standards, but they apply their
intelligence
Use synonyms
 every day to address challenges, teach others, or handle intricate responsibilities. To sum everything up, it is my view that a high IQ should not be fully based on
someones
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someone's
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 achievements, as their surroundings and personal preference influence their decisions, alongside their actions.
While
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 fortune may be an indicator of a
persons
Change noun form
person's
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intelligence
Use synonyms
, it is not suitable for all cases, as I believe it does not fully define their way of thinking, which is the most important
criteria
Fix the agreement mistake
criterion
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 when it comes to judging somebody’s comprehension.

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Task Achievement
Consider clarifying and expanding on your main points. Some ideas, such as the influence of personal circumstances on intelligence, could benefit from further exploration and nuance to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect your ideas and paragraphs more fluidly. This will help smoothen the transitions and enhance overall readability.
Task Achievement
You present a thoughtful argument and display a clear understanding of the complexities of measuring intelligence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs dedicated to distinct ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • measure
  • intelligence
  • success
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • emotional intelligence
  • creativity
  • practical skills
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • capabilities
  • potential
  • privilege
  • correlate
  • hard work
What to do next:
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