Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There are many articles showing that a lot of
kids
nowadays waste their time
on smartphones. In my opinion, this
leaves plenty of consequences for children
and seriously a negative development.
First and foremost, technologies develop too fast, children
have to use
mobiles for education, entertainment,... So that kids
have to depend on their phones
to know about the world every day, unless they don’t use
devices for just about one day, they will become “ancient man”. Tiktok, Facebook,... these social medias
Correct your spelling
media
for example
use
tricks to get addicted children
, that is
the main reason why these kids
nowadays can’t escape from these apps, short videos or posts, they just need to surf so they can explore the next one. And even games
, the development of games
is so incredible, the more convenient the world, the more realistic the game is. Games
have beautiful graphics, kids
play games
for entertaining, relaxing,.. and even play with their friends to have more fun. FPS games
are one of the most downloaded in the world, with the age under 18 years old downloading the most. Another reason is that these children
’s parents have too much work to do, they have to earn money, solve
their life’s problems, so they have to buy a phone for their kid so that they don’t need to watch out for them. These are the main reasons why Correct word choice
and solve
children
spend too much time
on their smartphones.
I believe that this
trend can have an adverse affect
on Replace the word
effect
children
's health. Firstly
, the blue light of mobile phones
can cause many consequences to their eyes, using
too much Verb problem
spending
time
on phones
can make them blind. And even when children
use
phones
for a long time
, they will get fat and Add a missing verb
have health’s
health’s
problems, because they just sit, or lie, they don’t go out and do some exercises. Change noun form
health
In addition
, children
will not communicate with their parents, friends
, Correct word choice
or friends
they
will lack life experiences if they pay all day for these useless Correct word choice
and they
phones
.
In conclusion, mobile phones
are not completely bad for the
Correct article usage
apply
kids
, but children
have to use
mobile phones
for a limited time
, for true purposes and parents need to talk much
with their Correct quantifier usage
apply
kids
in order to not let them be an
insensitive Correct article usage
apply
kid
.Fix the agreement mistake
kids
Submitted by weezel on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Try to avoid run-on sentences and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and the supporting sentences are directly related to it.
task achievement
Ensure that your task response directly addresses all parts of the prompt. The opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development should be clear and sustained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on the development of ideas and provide a balanced discussion on both sides of the argument regarding positive and negative developments, including more varied and complex structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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