Question- A country’s future depends on its young people. Therefore, a country should invest heavily in its youth. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The
youth
of the
nation
determines its future.
Thus
, a country must make significant investments in its
youth
. I agree and believe that
youth
contributes to a
nation
in many fields. Without its
youth
force
Add a comma
force,
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a country will become incompetent. One of the fields where a
nation
's
youth
play a major role is
,
Remove the comma
apply
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armed
Correct article usage
the armed
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force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
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. Without a strong armed
force
Add a comma
force,
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a country cannot build strong
self defence
Add a hyphen
self-defence
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, law and order.
Secondly
, youngsters are required to participate in
world
games. Without healthy youngsters, a
nation
cannot make its mark on the
world
in sports.
For example
,
australia
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Australia
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has
world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
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sportsmen as they encourage and provide
world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
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infrastructure to children from a very young age. The economy of the
nation
is dependent on
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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youth
.
Todays
Fix the agreement mistake
Today
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youth
will become
tomorrows
Change noun form
tomorrow's
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skilled workforce that can drive innovation and economic growth.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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can conduct
youth
programs and initiatives,
invest
Correct word choice
and invest
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in better infrastructure for schools and colleges. As per a study, china is spending 70
percent
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per cent
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of its budget on young individuals. They have increased
the
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their
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investments in their medical research field, making them one of the leading countries in
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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industry.
Hence
, it is of utmost importance that a
nation
invests in its young
indivual
Correct your spelling
individual
today for its better growth in various perspectives in future.
Submitted by sai.shruti17.d on

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Coherence Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay shows some organization, but the logical sequencing of ideas can be improved. Aim to provide clearer topic sentences and use a wider range of linking devices to enhance the flow between ideas. Additionally, ensure that your paragraphs are well-developed and that each contains one main idea that is expanded upon with sufficient detail.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement: Your essay responds to the task, providing a clear position in agreement with the statement. However, to achieve a higher score, expand your argument with a more in-depth analysis and development of each point. Include a wider range of examples to substantiate your claims, and consider discussing potential counterarguments to present a more nuanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovative potential
  • Skilled workforce
  • Socioeconomic development
  • Civic engagement
  • Demographic neglect
  • Intergenerational equity
  • Sustainable investment
  • Youth empowerment
  • Long-term benefits
  • Public health initiatives
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