IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Question- A country’s future depends on its young people. Therefore, a country should invest heavily in its youth. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#question- #country’s #future #people #country #youth
The
youth
 of the
nation
 determines its future.
Thus
, a country must make significant investments in its
youth
. I agree and believe that
youth
 contributes to a
nation
 in many fields. Without its
youth
force
Add a comma
force,
show examples
 a country will become incompetent. One of the fields where a
nation
's
youth
 play a major role is
,
Remove the comma
apply
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armed
Correct article usage
the armed
show examples
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
show examples
. Without a strong armed
force
Add a comma
force,
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 a country cannot build strong
self defence
Add a hyphen
self-defence
show examples
, law and order.
Secondly
, youngsters are required to participate in
world
 games. Without healthy youngsters, a
nation
 cannot make its mark on the
world
 in sports.
For example
,
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
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 has
world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
show examples
 sportsmen as they encourage and provide
world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
show examples
 infrastructure to children from a very young age. The economy of the
nation
 is dependent on
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
youth
.
Todays
Fix the agreement mistake
Today
show examples
youth
 will become
tomorrows
Change noun form
tomorrow's
show examples
 skilled workforce that can drive innovation and economic growth.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 can conduct
youth
 programs and initiatives,
invest
Correct word choice
and invest
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 in better infrastructure for schools and colleges. As per a study, china is spending 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of its budget on young individuals. They have increased
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 investments in their medical research field, making them one of the leading countries in
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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 industry.
Hence
, it is of utmost importance that a
nation
 invests in its young
indivual
Correct your spelling
individual
 today for its better growth in various perspectives in future.
Submitted by sai.shruti17.d on

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Coherence Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay shows some organization, but the logical sequencing of ideas can be improved. Aim to provide clearer topic sentences and use a wider range of linking devices to enhance the flow between ideas. Additionally, ensure that your paragraphs are well-developed and that each contains one main idea that is expanded upon with sufficient detail.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement: Your essay responds to the task, providing a clear position in agreement with the statement. However, to achieve a higher score, expand your argument with a more in-depth analysis and development of each point. Include a wider range of examples to substantiate your claims, and consider discussing potential counterarguments to present a more nuanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovative potential
  • Skilled workforce
  • Socioeconomic development
  • Civic engagement
  • Demographic neglect
  • Intergenerational equity
  • Sustainable investment
  • Youth empowerment
  • Long-term benefits
  • Public health initiatives
What to do next:
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