IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People eat more processed food now than in the past. what is the reason behind this? what effects might people have by this?

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It is true that today
people
Use synonyms
 tend to eat more processed
food
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 compared to old times. Different from many years ago
people
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 are likely to buy ready meals. There are a number of reasons and
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 of
this
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 phenomenon and I will discuss them in
this
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 essay. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
people
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 prefer processed
food
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 is that busy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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 do not leave extra
time
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 for them to prepare and cook
food
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 at home.
For example
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, if someone works ten hours
everyday
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every day
show examples
, he or she will not be able to find enough
time
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 for preparing dinner.
Thus
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, in order to eat something they have to buy ready meals from supermarkets or order
eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
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. Another reason
lies under
Verb problem
for
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this
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 tendency for
this
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 generation is the lack of cooking knowledge. Not only do they lack
ability
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the ability
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 to cook but
also
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 they have insufficient information about nutritious ingredients.
That is
Linking Words
 why individuals prefer fast
food
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,
whish
Correct your spelling
which
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 is the easiest way, rather than cooking it.
Although
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 life conditions
does
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do
show examples
 not leave
people
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other
Change preposition
with other
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 options
about
Change preposition
for
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 eating habits,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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brought
Wrong verb form
bring
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 and will have many side effects on folks.
Firstly
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, our
body
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bodies
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 will not be as resilient as our ancestors
due to
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 the ingredients added to processed
food
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. What I mean is that since our ancestors used to it mainly natural
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food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 which are free of chemicals their immunity system
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 much stronger as
oppsed
Correct your spelling
opposed
 to ours.
Moreover
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, our
body
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bodies
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 will become more addicted to ready-made
food
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 as it is believed that companies which produce them add some addictive elements so that they sell their products for a long
time
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.
This
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 means that we will become dependent on
those
Change the determiner
that food
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food
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 for a long
time
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. Taking everything into account, it could be concluded that
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and lack of cooking knowledge are the main reasons for choosing ready meals.
Also
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,
this
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 tendency will cause
people
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 to have less healthy
body
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bodies
show examples
 and become addicted to processed
food
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
While your essay does address parts of both tasks, it could be enhanced by providing more specific examples to support your claims. This would not only improve the relevance of the points made but also ensure that the response is fully developed in line with the task requirements. Consider adding real-world instances or statistical data to back up your reasoning about the increased consumption of processed foods and its consequences.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally presents ideas in a logical manner and includes an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, to improve coherence, transitions between ideas could be smoother and more varied. Consider employing a wider range of cohesive devices beyond 'Firstly' and 'Moreover' to aid the reader in following your argument. Additionally, work on paragraph structuring to avoid overly long sentences and ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Fast-paced lifestyles
  • Processed foods
  • Ubiquity
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Home-cooked meals
  • Globalization
  • Western dietary habits
  • Economic factors
  • Accessibility
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Nutritional deficiencies
  • Essential vitamins
  • Minerals
  • Psychological effects
  • Addiction
  • Environmental impact
  • Cultural shifts
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