IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development?

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It is common knowledge that being a professional athlete requires consistency in
practicing
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practising
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.
As
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In
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 an effort to support their
athletes
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, so me countries build certain sports centres which are specialized only for professional
athletes
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. In
this
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 matter, I strongly believe that providing these
facilities
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 brings more benefits compared to the negatives.
To begin
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 with, there are several advantages of building
facilities
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 that are strictly for
athletes
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'
use
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.
Firstly
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, it gives more flexibility for the
athletes
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 to set their
practice
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 schedule since no outsider will
use
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 the
facilities
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.
Subsequently
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, they can have more time to practise and improve their skills.
In addition
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, the
use
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 of an exclusive building lets
athletes
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 focus more on their
practice
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 because their fans will have no access to the
facilities
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. Albeit the positives, using an exclusive building
also
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 brings some problems. One drawback is that the managers and coaches will have less chance to meet new talents in the field. As an illustration, non-professional players will not
use
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 the
facilities
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 to play
while
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 the managers and coaches will spend most of their time in the
facilities
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.
Consequently
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, the possibility for them to meet during
practice
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 is reduced. Another shortcoming is that the government will spend more money on the asset. The expenses are not only used when they build it from scratch but
also
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 the maintenance of the
facilities
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. In conclusion, despite the negatives
such
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 as giving less possibility to prospect new
athletes
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 and gaining more expense, building exclusively
facilities
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 for
athletes
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 is more important for the country. The importance is
due to
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 the development of the
athletes
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' skills as their
practice
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 schedule and focus will not be distracted.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the question and provides a clear position, but it should include more specific examples to support the main points. For Task Achievement, try to incorporate relevant instances or studies to illustrate the arguments better.
coherence cohesion
The overall logical structure is acceptable, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the connection between ideas could be strengthened by more effectively using linking words and cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which contributes to its coherence, they could be expanded with a clearer thesis statement in the introduction and a more comprehensive summarization that reiterates your stance in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
To improve Supported Main Points, ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, adequate supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that reinforces the paragraph's main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
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