IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe that they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
There have been competing views on whether skilled
workers
 should
work
 in the
country
 that trained them. In my opinion, they should
be grant
Change the verb form
be granted
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
freedom
 of movement in order to achieve their career
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
. Mandating
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
highly qualified people to
work
 in the
country
 where they were trained will enhance the human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 of its people. Professionals
such
 as doctors and engineers who
employed
Add a missing verb
are employed
show examples
 in universities
enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
 them to motivate and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
inspire students to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in the future.
Although
 they do not earn high
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
, compared to skilled
workers
 in international companies, they have a significant role
to advance
Change preposition
in advancing
show examples
 the quality of higher education where they
work
.
However
, I do not agree with
this
 idea because they do not have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
freedom
 of choice for their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may
bring
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 them to be less productive. Those on the other side of
this
 argument say that highly trained
workers
 should be free to move, a practice that
enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
 them to reach their potential. There are some jobs that just available in certain regions.
For example
, doctors from Indonesia who want to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
 in diet should go to the USA because
this
country
 is renowned as the best place for diet practice. Since fulfilled
workers
 are more likely to reach their full potential, I agree that the educated should have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
freedom
 of movement to choose where they want to
work
. In conclusion,
while
requring
Correct your spelling
requiring
 bright minds to
work
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
country
 that
trained
Wrong verb form
trains
show examples
 them can foster the quality of human resources, I believe that it is best to grant them
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
freedom
 of movement because they have a tendency to reach their career
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Consider structuring your paragraphs more clearly, each with a single main idea followed by explanation, example, and a concluding sentence to strengthen the argument.
Development
Adding more specific examples and details to support your arguments could make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Clarity
Try to ensure your viewpoint is consistently clear throughout the essay. Reiterating your stance in the conclusion helps reinforce your argument.
Task Response
Your essay effectively discusses both views and presents a clear personal opinion, showing a good understanding of the essay task.
Language
You have a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures that aids in the expression of your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!