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Band 4.5

Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that internet create many problems. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#people #internet
Using internet
facillities
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facilities
 become an inevitable part of human lives in the modern world. Despite
of
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apply
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the positive effects, still most of
the
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apply
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people
concern
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concerned
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 about the disadvantages of web usage. I
agree
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agree on
agree to
agree with
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 the view and will explain the reasons behind my opinion in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, students experience academic
drowbacks
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drawbacks
due to
 focusing
various
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on various
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 kinds of activities
in
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apply
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online rather than studying.
In other words
, young
people
using
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use
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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in
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on
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 a
prolong
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prolonged
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 basis and eventually they become addicted to it which will harm
to
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apply
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their educational improvements
as well as
 their health.
For instance
, varieties of social
medias
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media
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 and online gaming are emerging today where students spend their valuable time
by
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apply
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scrolling
it
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apply
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.
Therefore
, they are not only wasting
the
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apply
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time but
also
 deviating
the
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apply
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attention
on
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from
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 educational goals.
Secondly
, some
people
 highly trust the trend of
online-shopping
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online shopping
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 and spend their money to buy the
products
 without analysing the quality of it.
That is
 to say, either many fake online shops
recieve
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receive
 money without delivering the
products
 to buyers or
selling
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sell
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low quality
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low-quality
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 items in a fixed price range.
For
example
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example,
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 if a person
buy
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buys
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 a dress from
online-shopping
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online shopping
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, probably that person
get
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gets
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different
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a different
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 colour or material dress other than the viewed one
through
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on
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 the website. So
people
 have to be aware
on
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of
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 the trusted
products
 which we can buy
from
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on
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online
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an online
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 basis.
To conclude
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apply
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this
, even though enhanced internet services make our life easier, many students and other
people
 are facing issues
due to
 low focus on studies, unreliability of
products
 and wasting money
for
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on
show examples
 it.
Submitted by gaya002.nesa on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure and clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but could be developed further to better encapsulate the essay's argument and summarise the key points.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but they need to be more fully developed and explained to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response fulfills the task, but the argument could be expanded on with further explanation and a wider range of vocabulary.
task achievement
The ideas presented could be clearer and more comprehensive, employing a wider range of structures and vocabulary for a stronger argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used, but they could be expanded upon with more detail and a deeper analysis to enhance clarity and relevance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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