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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children are now watching more television than they have ever done before. - What are some of the negative effects of children watching a lot of television? Do you think young children should be allowed to watch television?

#children #television #effects
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In
this
 modern era, the issue related to whether
children
 should
given
Add a missing verb
be given
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 permit to watch television or not has been a hot debate. I believe that they should not have
access
 to
TV
 until they become teenagers. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate more
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the negative impacts that
TV
 has on
children
 and bring a few points to clarify my point of view.
To begin
 with, smart devices,
such
 as
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
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, are one of many tools that help
parents
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
distract their
children
 from having tantrums. Most
parents
 would let their kids have screen
time
 with a limited duration, even though it was applicable at
first,
it will eventually change throughout the
time
.
For instance
, if the
children
 have realized that their
parents
 will only give them
TV
access
 if they go on a tantrum, they will keep on doing that.
In addition
, they would think in order to have what they wanted, they should cry first.
This
 means they have been addicted to the screen already.
Additionally
, I don't agree that they should be allowed to
access
 that since they were little.
Besides
 it will be an addiction, and they will not have
time
 to explore the outside world in effect.
While
 in that growing up phase, it is crucial for them to try things outside of their comfort zone,
such
 as home. It is owing to the addiction
hence
 they will rather spend their
time
 inside.
In addition
,
parents
 should let the kids explore nature more during their growing-up phase.
Overall
, the effect of
TV
 on
children
 will not bring any advantages to them,
therefore
 they should not be permitted to
access
 them until they grow up.
Submitted by almirarhaseshaa on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph are focused on developing that main idea. Avoid introducing unrelated points that can diminish the overall coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Make use of a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs, such as conjunctions, lexical cohesion, and referencing. This will enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
While addressing the negative effects of children watching television, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task prompt. Provide specific examples and clear explanations to support each point you make. This will help improve the task achievement of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic. For example, discuss the psychological impact of excessive television watching on children, or the effect on their physical health and social skills. More developed and detailed explanations will score higher in task achievement.
task achievement
Support your points with specific examples and evidence. Whenever you make a claim about the negative effects of television, back it up with relevant examples or data. This not only strengthens your argument, but also demonstrates your ability to provide a complete response to the essay question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • cognitive development
  • social interactions
  • violent content
  • age-appropriate
  • healthy habits
  • attention span
  • media consumption
  • parental supervision
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