IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people think that using mobile phones and computers has a negative effect o young people's reading and writing skills . to what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the world is constantly developing, everyone has to follow technology trends to keep up with the technology era.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 community will often use smart devices a lot. Many
population
Change to a plural noun
populations
show examples
 believe that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 crowd using computers and phones a lot will have a negative impact on their capacity to read and write. I agree with that opinion. If you regularly use electronic
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 to read, it will have a negative impact on your writing competence.
This
Linking Words
 is because when using online messaging applications
such
Linking Words
 as
message
Capitalize word
Message
show examples
, zalo, ... because in order to shorten conversation time, young
people
Use synonyms
 often compose very short
passage
Fix the agreement mistake
passages
show examples
, causing them to have little exposure to words. Advanced language and grammatical structures for better writing skills.
For example
Linking Words
, they use their phones to chat with each other in young society's own words, often using images or videos and emoticons, rather than composing long texts to text each other. Using phones and computers
also
Linking Words
 has negative effects on reading strength. When you get too used to short texts from social networking sites, it will gradually become a habit, making your brain poor in thinking,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
 it difficult to focus on long
verse
Fix the agreement mistake
verses
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 reduces your ability to remember.
For instance
Linking Words
, when encountering a long text, young
people
Use synonyms
 will have difficulty concentrating on it and will easily get bored
while
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
reading
ready
readi
Correct your spelling
reading
 In short, using smart devices can have an impact on young
people
Use synonyms
's reading and writing abilities because the content on them will reduce concentration or improve young
people
Use synonyms
's language skills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a standpoint but lacks a well-developed argument to support your opinion. It's important to provide detailed examples and a clearer explanation of points to fully address the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
A relevant introduction and conclusion are missing in your essay. It's crucial to start with an introduction that paraphrases the question and outlines your position, and to end with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • digital literacy
  • multitasking
  • e-books
  • attention span
  • informal language
  • shorthand
  • interactivity
  • traditional literacy
  • comprehension
  • retention
  • multimedia elements
  • communication platforms
  • formal writing
  • reading habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: