Some people today feel that physical money will no longer be used in the future. Others feel it will still have some uses. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion!

#people #money #future

Nowadays,

transformation

Add an article

the transformation

a transformation

show examples

of financial transactions

are

Change the verb form

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fastly

Replace the adverb

fast

show examples

However

, it will

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

happend

Correct your spelling

happened

happen

in the future, likely without cash;

whereas

other individuals argue that it will

use

Wrong verb form

be used

show examples

for supporting

transaction

Fix the agreement mistake

transactions

show examples

Overall

this

essay will provide my opinion about in the future,

people

will

use

digitalization

platfrom

Correct your spelling

platforms

for payment for making fastly and easily. On the one hand,

Correct article usage

the developing

show examples

developing

Replace the word

development

show examples

tecnology

Correct your spelling

technology

making

Wrong verb form

makes

show examples

people

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

supporting

Replace the word

support

show examples

spesially

Correct your spelling

especially

specially

in transaction financial.

Furthermore

, the developer, the bankers and the

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

collaborate to

making

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

Correct article usage

a digizatization

show examples

digizatization

Correct your spelling

digitization

platfrom

Correct your spelling

platform

Moreover

, it

encourage

Change the verb form

encourages

show examples

society to

use

application

Correct article usage

the application

show examples

digizatal

Change the capitalization

Digizatal

show examples

for transfer, payment and

buy

Wrong verb form

buying

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some things.

For example

, the

kompas news

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Kompas News

show examples

found that in

develop

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developed

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country

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countries

show examples

, likely

indonesia

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Indonesia

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society

Correct article usage

the society

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who used Mandiri

Bank

account

Correct subject-verb agreement

accounts

show examples

biggest

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the biggest

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city rose significantly to using

mandiri

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Mandiri

show examples

smart (the Mandiri

Bank

financial platform digital) from 45% to 75% between 2021 to 2023.

Thus

, the change of

tecnology

Correct your spelling

technology

will

conduct

Wrong verb form

be conducted

show examples

using

application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

then

cash

transaction

Fix the agreement mistake

transactions

show examples

. On the

another

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

hand,

people

who

living

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live

show examples

in remote areas limited to access

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

and transportation.

Moreover

, it

encourage

Change the verb form

encourages

show examples

people

still

Fix the infinitive

to still

show examples

have physical money

for

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show examples

support their daily

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. In fact, the level of

eduation

Correct your spelling

education

people

remore

Correct your spelling

remote

areas

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

lowest

then

Correct your spelling

than

show examples

people

living in the

bigest

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biggest

show examples

cities.

For Instance

, the one of several

rurals

Correct your spelling

rural

murals

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

papua

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Papua

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island, namely Bintuni village, the topography

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

river

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a river

the river

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the

Correct determiner usage

that

show examples

mainly access transportation by boat and public

manufacture

Replace the word

manufacturing

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likely

bank

Fix the agreement mistake

banks

show examples

in the main

cityarea

Correct your spelling

city

Change preposition

apply

show examples

making

Verb problem

show examples

hardly to open

account

Fix the agreement mistake

accounts

show examples

bank

and limited access internet. In conclusion,there are several

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

prons

Correct your spelling

pros

show examples

and

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cons of physical money

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

use

in the future.

Submitted by musa.nuwa on Wed Dec 27 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion

The essay lacks clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs which should succinctly present the main ideas and summarise the argument. Introductions should set the stage for the discussion, and conclusions should clearly state the writer's position.

Task Achievement

The response only partially addresses the task and does not fully develop the positions stated. The writer must expand on the ideas presented and ensure they are fully explored and linked to the question.

Logical Structure

The essay shows a weak structure and poor logical progression of ideas. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that each main point is logically supported and expanded upon. Avoid gaps in logic or abrupt shifts in ideas.

Supported Main Points

The main points are somewhat supported, but the supporting details and examples could be more developed and more explicitly connected to the main idea. It is also important to equally address both views of the argument, followed by a personal opinion.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors affecting the readability of the essay. Be sure to proofread and correct verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions. Also, keep an eye on sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences or fragments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
67Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
safety net
unforeseen circumstances
emergencies
future investments
retirement planning
financial discipline
habit of saving
amassing wealth
substantial fund
opportunity cost
additional income
inflation
purchasing power

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Some people today feel that physical money will no longer be used in the future. Others feel it will still have some uses. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion!

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people argue that space explonation has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent to you agree with this? How do you think space explonation will change in the future?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social prblems as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

some people think that tachnolongy is now an invalubable study tools for young people other believe that it is harmful for the studing. dicuss both thses views and give your own opinion.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?