Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Although
it is thought that
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
degree is crucial in order to gain success, other people believe in recent times it is not vital anymore.
While
education
can sometimes be useful in life, in my opinion, learning a skill
instead
of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
is more important.
Such
a mixed blessing requires
further
examinations
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a wider context. On the one hand, it is mistakenly alleged that academic instruction would turn an individual
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
a better person who completely knows how to achieve anything.
This
assumption claims that
university
lessons have the answer for each question and the best solution for each problem can be found there. One reason for
that is
the variety of the lessons
learning
Replace the word
learned
show examples
by students; they ought to study
about
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apply
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a huge number of different subjects, so some might think it would broaden their horizons which is too optimistical to
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
practical. To achieve a clear picture;
this
matter needs to be seen on
broader
Add an article
a broader
show examples
canvas.
On the other hand
, some people do not choose
university
education
as the best way to become successful because of the financial risks it can cause and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree. The salient point to note here is that spending at least four years in the
university
can bring about many problems.
For example
, the person who enters
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college and
then
the
university
has never had the chance to learn any skills and could not earn money during
this
time.
In contrast
, someone who seeks to enter
to
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apply
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the job market after finishing high school and beside that try to be
expert
Correct article usage
an expert
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in one skill would
defenitly
Correct your spelling
definitely
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
flourish in the near future. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
can understand why people value academic
education
but it seems to me that the importance of
education
has paled
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
the years.
Submitted by alifarzaneh on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion do not adequately frame the essay, and the body paragraphs are only loosely connected to each other. Develop your ideas in a more systematic and coherent way.
task achievement
The Task Achievement is moderate; however, the answer does not fully address all parts of the task. Make sure to discuss both views presented in the prompt equally and substantiate them with relevant examples. Formulate a clearer opinion in the conclusion to meet the task requirements fully.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
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