IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. L Discuss two views and give your opinion.

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Which type of activity should be done by
people
Use synonyms
 during
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 has become a controversial topic
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. Since
people
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struggling
Wrong verb form
struggle
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 to find enough
time
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for
resting
Replace the word
rest
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,
due to
Linking Words
 the fast-paced and complex business life a question comes to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
minds
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: whether individuals should spend their leisure
time
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 on creative
activities
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 like reading or resting in
order
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 to
resfresh
Correct your spelling
refresh
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. It can easily stated
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 resting
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a chance to feel
relaxer
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
,
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
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also
Linking Words
 equally important
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
feeding
Replace the word
feed
show examples
minds
Use synonyms
 with productive
activities
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 like reading and doing
puzzless
Correct your spelling
puzzles
 for refreshing. On
Use synonyms
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, today’s world is really complex and requires
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level of
adaptaion
Correct your spelling
adaptation
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 to changing business
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
. Inevitably,
this
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 pattern requires
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more norological activity
hence
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, workers need to
more
Add a missing verb
do more
show examples
resting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
compared to the past times. Imagine two employees, who
work
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in
Change preposition
apply
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today and 10 years ago.
It is clear that
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 the second
one
Use synonyms
 has
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 static
work
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 environment and his job requirements do not change instantly
therefore
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, he can
work
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 for a long
time
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 with
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 amount of information. Turning to the former
one
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, who works in
instantly
Correct article usage
an instantly
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 changing atmosphere owing to the advanced
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
,
this
Linking Words
 character has to improve his personal data related to
work
Use synonyms
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to adapt job market and save his position in business. Unfortunately,
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this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
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 tend to spend
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 energy
while
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 working and in
order
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 to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
burnout
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to rest
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 leisure
time
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.
To sum up
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,
one
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 should keep in mind that, as
people
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work
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 harder
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days they need to rest in their free
time
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 to
maintainn
Correct your spelling
maintain
 their mental well-being.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 resting may provide more clear
minds
Use synonyms
, the value of productive
activities
Use synonyms
 should not be overlooked by individuals. Let’s think
two
Change preposition
of two
show examples
people
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, the first
one
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 generally
sleep
Correct subject-verb agreement
sleeps
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 in his spare
time
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,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the second
one
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prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to engage in some cultural
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
,
for
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instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
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 reading. By means of reading the second
employees
Fix the agreement mistake
employee
show examples
 is likely to expand his horizons and it may increase his satisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, he may learn some new information related to his job and put himself
one
Use synonyms
 step ahead of others
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of new knowledge and perspectives.
Furthermore
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, via another creativity booster
activty
Correct your spelling
activity
, doing
Add an article
a puzzle
the puzzle
show examples
puzzle
Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 may
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their critical thinking skills
indrectly
Correct your spelling
indirectly
. To wrap up, being
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as reading and doing
puzzle
Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
show examples
 may have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on
people
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
 direct and indirect
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
.
Finally
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, I personally believe that the truth lies in between.
While
Linking Words
 the importance of resting should not be underestimated, the value of productivity
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should not be overlooked, either. Every individual should be aware of their mental and
pyhsical
Correct your spelling
physical
 status and plan
according to
Linking Words
 their needs at that
time
Use synonyms
. Resting would be better after a long day in
order
Use synonyms
 to
rejuvenation
Replace the word
rejuvenate
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minds
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, after an
adequet
Correct your spelling
adequate
 resting session, being
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in some mind-breeding
activities
Use synonyms
 would be
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 with the aim of developing creativity, which may affect the efficiency
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
career
Correct pronoun usage
your career
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, when all the things are taken into account, both perspectives have valid points.
While
Linking Words
 resting may provide more
clear
Correct word choice
clearer
show examples
 mind in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 by sleeping
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
reaidng
Correct your spelling
reading
 or doing
puzzle
Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
show examples
 may enhance the knowledge of
people
Use synonyms
. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 should
be benefit
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 from either resting or mind-feeding
activities
Use synonyms
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to put themselves
one
Use synonyms
 step ahead of others.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates some level of logical structure, but you can improve this aspect by clearly organizing paragraphs and ensuring each one contains a single, coherent idea with appropriate supporting sentences. Transition words to link ideas smoothly may also improve the overall structure.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, you can enhance clarity by clearly stating the essay prompt within the introduction and summarizing your main points more effectively in the conclusion. Use the conclusion to also re-emphasize your own opinion without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
You have made an attempt to support your main points, but the support needs to be developed further. Provide specific examples and reasons for each viewpoint, ensuring that your essay clearly addresses the reasons why people might prefer one type of leisure activity over another. Avoid vague statements and seek to deepen the analysis of your supporting points.
task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the task, but you need to develop your response more fully to cover all parts of the task consistently. Make sure each viewpoint in the discussion is given balanced attention and that your own opinion emerges clearly after considering both sides.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in how you express them. Aim for comprehensiveness by fully exploring the implications and outcomes of each viewpoint, and ensure that you articulate these ideas with sufficient clarity and detail for the reader to follow without difficulty.
task achievement
You have included some relevant examples, but you should expand on these to better support your arguments. Choose specific, detailed examples that directly relate to the points you are making. Specificity is key to illustrating your point of view and adding weight to your arguments. Avoid hypothetical scenarios and aim for real-world relevance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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