Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. L Discuss two views and give your opinion.
Which type of activity should be done by
people
during spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
time
has become a controversial topic recent
Change preposition
in recent
time
. Since Fix the agreement mistake
times
people
struggling
to find enough Wrong verb form
struggle
time
in
for Change preposition
apply
resting
, Replace the word
rest
due to
the fast-paced and complex business life a question comes to the
Change the word
their
minds
: whether individuals should spend their leisure time
on creative activities
like reading or resting in order
to resfresh
their Correct your spelling
refresh
mind
. It can easily stated Fix the agreement mistake
minds
while
resting Correct word choice
that
give
a chance to feel Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
relaxer
, Replace the word
relaxed
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
also
equally important that
Change preposition
to
feeding
Replace the word
feed
minds
with productive activities
like reading and doing puzzless
for refreshing.
On Correct your spelling
puzzles
one
hand, today’s world is really complex and requires Correct article usage
the one
high
level of Add an article
a high
adaptaion
Correct your spelling
adaptation
skill
to changing business Fix the agreement mistake
skills
demand
. Inevitably, Fix the agreement mistake
demands
this
pattern requires in
more norological activity Change preposition
apply
hence
, workers need to more
Add a missing verb
do more
resting
compared to the past times. Imagine two employees, who Verb problem
apply
work
in
today and 10 years ago. Change preposition
apply
It is clear that
the second one
has more
static Correct article usage
a more
work
environment and his job requirements do not change instantly therefore
, he can work
for a long time
with same
amount of information. Turning to the former Change the article
the same
one
, who works in instantly
changing atmosphere owing to the advanced Correct article usage
an instantly
techology
, Correct your spelling
technology
this
character has to improve his personal data related to work
in order
to adapt job market and save his position in business. Unfortunately, this
Change the determiner
these
employes
tend to spend Correct your spelling
employees
his
energy Correct pronoun usage
their
while
working and in order
to prevent from
burnout Change preposition
apply
he
need to rest Correct pronoun usage
they
his
leisure Correct pronoun usage
their
time
. To sum up
, one
should keep in mind that, as people
work
harder in
these days they need to rest in their free Change preposition
apply
time
to maintainn
their mental well-being.
Correct your spelling
maintain
On the other hand
, although
resting may provide more clear minds
, the value of productive activities
should not be overlooked by individuals. Let’s think two
Change preposition
of two
people
, the first one
generally sleep
in his spare Correct subject-verb agreement
sleeps
time
, however
the second Add a comma
however,
one
prefer
to engage in some cultural Change the verb form
prefers
activites
, Correct your spelling
activities
for
instance
reading. By means of reading the second Add the comma(s)
instance,
employees
is likely to expand his horizons and it may increase his satisfaction Fix the agreement mistake
employee
of
life. Change preposition
with
Additionally
, he may learn some new information related to his job and put himself one
step ahead of others by
the help of new knowledge and perspectives. Change preposition
with
Furthermore
, via another creativity booster activty
, doing Correct your spelling
activity
Add an article
a puzzle
the puzzle
puzzle
, Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
people
may rise
their critical thinking skills Correct your spelling
raise
indrectly
. To wrap up, being Correct your spelling
indirectly
engage
in Wrong verb form
engaged
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
activities
such
as reading and doing puzzle
may have Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
positive
impact on Add an article
a positive
people
both
direct and indirect Change preposition
in both
way
.
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
Finally
, I personally believe that the truth lies in between. While
the importance of resting should not be underestimated, the value of productivity activites
Correct your spelling
activities
is
should not be overlooked, either. Every individual should be aware of their mental and Unnecessary verb
apply
pyhsical
status and plan Correct your spelling
physical
according to
their needs at that time
. Resting would be better after a long day in order
to rejuvenation
Replace the word
rejuvenate
of
Change preposition
apply
minds
; however
, after an adequet
resting session, being Correct your spelling
adequate
engage
in some mind-breeding Wrong verb form
engaged
activities
would be preffered
with the aim of developing creativity, which may affect the efficiency Correct your spelling
preferred
in
Change preposition
of
career
.
Correct pronoun usage
your career
To conclude
, when all the things are taken into account, both perspectives have valid points. While
resting may provide more clear
mind in Correct word choice
clearer
short
Add an article
a short
time
by sleeping for
instance, spending Add the comma(s)
, for
time
with reaidng
or doing Correct your spelling
reading
puzzle
may enhance the knowledge of Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
people
. So that
, Correct determiner usage
apply
people
should be benefit
from either resting or mind-feeding Change the verb form
benefit
activities
in order
to put themselves one
step ahead of others.Submitted by ilaydailday on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates some level of logical structure, but you can improve this aspect by clearly organizing paragraphs and ensuring each one contains a single, coherent idea with appropriate supporting sentences. Transition words to link ideas smoothly may also improve the overall structure.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, you can enhance clarity by clearly stating the essay prompt within the introduction and summarizing your main points more effectively in the conclusion. Use the conclusion to also re-emphasize your own opinion without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
You have made an attempt to support your main points, but the support needs to be developed further. Provide specific examples and reasons for each viewpoint, ensuring that your essay clearly addresses the reasons why people might prefer one type of leisure activity over another. Avoid vague statements and seek to deepen the analysis of your supporting points.
task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the task, but you need to develop your response more fully to cover all parts of the task consistently. Make sure each viewpoint in the discussion is given balanced attention and that your own opinion emerges clearly after considering both sides.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in how you express them. Aim for comprehensiveness by fully exploring the implications and outcomes of each viewpoint, and ensure that you articulate these ideas with sufficient clarity and detail for the reader to follow without difficulty.
task achievement
You have included some relevant examples, but you should expand on these to better support your arguments. Choose specific, detailed examples that directly relate to the points you are making. Specificity is key to illustrating your point of view and adding weight to your arguments. Avoid hypothetical scenarios and aim for real-world relevance.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example