IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued whether the circumstances of an individual
crime
Use synonyms
 should be considered or whether there should be fixed
punishments
Use synonyms
 for each type of
crime
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 no
crime
Use synonyms
 can be justified with certain
explanation
Fix the agreement mistake
explanations
show examples
 when done knowingly, I believe that there are some circumstances where
people
Use synonyms
 commit
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 for their
Use synonyms
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
. On the one hand, no
crime
Use synonyms
 is justifiable, as if it is done intentionally, and
this
Linking Words
 is why there should be fixed
punishments
Use synonyms
 for every
crime
Use synonyms
. When
someone
Use synonyms
 commits
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
 and
hurt
Wrong verb form
hurts
show examples
other person
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
, it leaves a deep impact on the victim's psychology and sometimes even they lose their life, just because of
someone
Use synonyms
's cruel act. Take the murderer as an example, who took
someone
Use synonyms
's life because of his
self- centered
Correct your spelling
self-centered
show examples
 reasons that can be money, belongings and many more. In
this
Linking Words
 case, it is imperative to place fixed
punishments
Use synonyms
, as it will stop happening the same with others in the future.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a short-sighted view, as there are some
situations
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 commit
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 to protect themselves.
Use synonyms
Self-defense
Change the spelling
Self-defence
show examples
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, is one of the major aspects that
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to be considered when deciding on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punishment. Sometimes,
people
Use synonyms
 commit
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 to defend themselves, particularly, in
situations
Use synonyms
 when no one is around them. In these
situations
Use synonyms
, they try to fight back with all their strength, and the weapons they find in their surroundings
such
Linking Words
 as
knife
Fix the agreement mistake
knives
show examples
,
stick
Fix the agreement mistake
sticks
show examples
 and many more. During their defensive act, they unknowingly kill or hurt
someone
Use synonyms
. A particularly good example of
this
Linking Words
 is the recent incident happened in India, where women killed the rapist when she was trying to protect herself from being molested or becoming a rape victim.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, I believe that circumstances should be taken into account, as
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 an innocent individual has to suffer just because of his
Use synonyms
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
 act. In conclusion, I believe that
situations
Use synonyms
 should always be looked upon
while
Linking Words
 deciding on the punishment, as sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 commit
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 for their
Use synonyms
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
. But there should be fixed
punishments
Use synonyms
 for each
crime
Use synonyms
, specifically when it is intentional.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay; although the introduction and conclusion are present, the development of paragraphs could be enhanced to improve logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a range of cohesive devices but avoid over-reliance or incorrect usage that could potentially disrupt coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop main points with specific, relevant examples that clearly back up the argument you are presenting. Your points should be elaborated to sufficiently support the position you have taken.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task with a complete response that presents a clear position throughout the response. Ensure that the ideas are comprehensive and extend the main points with appropriate detail.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to provide a comprehensive context for your arguments, which will help ensure that your ideas are persuasive and relatable to the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fixed punishments
  • consistency
  • predictability
  • deter crime
  • potential offenders
  • streamline
  • judicial process
  • bias
  • corruption
  • complexity
  • human behavior
  • circumstances
  • justice system
  • intent
  • remorse
  • socio-economic background
  • rehabilitate offenders
  • recidivism rates
  • flexible punishment systems
  • inconsistencies
  • perceived injustices
  • public trust
What to do next:
Look at other essays: