Some people think that children's leisure activities must be educational,otherwise, they are a complete waste of time.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a view that the relative importance of spare
time
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
have to be organized
according to
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
others say that it is just a waste of
time
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
there are some positive underlying factors, I fully disagree with
this
Linking Words
notion because Overstudying can not only lead to mental and physical health problems but
also
Linking Words
leave them with no free
time
Use synonyms
to spend on recreational
activities
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
with, adding
education
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of leisure
activities
Use synonyms
has many positive aspects,
however
Linking Words
, it is able to result in mental and physical challenges during the study. Many children who come home feel exhausted after school,
hence
Linking Words
they can not complete the responsibility of overeducation.
In addition
Linking Words
, oftentimes
education
Use synonyms
brings about a sedentary lifestyle among young children.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can substantially impact the reduction of
education
Use synonyms
productivity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, establishing study as an alternative way of spare
time
Use synonyms
may result in a lack of
time
Use synonyms
to spend to enhance other capabilities. If they spend
time
Use synonyms
studying during the day, they have no
time
Use synonyms
for recreational
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as training in sports, taking part in musical classes, and creating artwork.When it comes to music, it helps to unwind spiritually, by playing musical instruments or singing some kinds of songs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can help a balanced
education
Use synonyms
and children participate in their school lessons enthusiastically.
To sum up
Linking Words
, despite the fact that some say that one of the best ways is to change
education
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of leisure
activities
Use synonyms
, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
statement because of its negative impact on health and the waste of
time
Use synonyms
it causes
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay could benefit from specific examples to clearly illustrate your points. This will help strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with effective transitions between ideas to improve logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and your standpoint, which helps set the stage for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay ends with a clear conclusion that accurately reflects the points discussed in the body.
task achievement
You have effectively communicated your disagreement with the initial statement, providing a complete response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: