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Band 5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you Agree that it is the greatest problem face by humanity?

#rise #world’s #population #humanity #time #face
In today’s current
condition
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condition,
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 the ultimate
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
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 encountered by the people is the gradual growth of inhabitants
in
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on
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 the planet. The uncontrollable increase
of
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in
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 our number is
trigger
Wrong verb form
triggered
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 by some factors;
Hence
, I concur it’s the biggest threat that we are confronting
due to
 its negative effect on people and the environment. Mainly, our number
have
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has
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 been progressively rising
due to
 multiple pregnancies.
For instance
, most of today’s younger generation are openly engaging
to
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in
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 sexual activity without proper knowledge and protection, which results
into
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in
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 numerous unintended pregnancies
according to
 the World Health Organization.
Secondly
, most couples have failed to implement family planning. Some partners are unaware of the importance of birth control or birth spacing, which leads them to have a multiple number of children.
Therefore
, because of these
cases
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cases,
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 our population is gradually growing non-stop.
On the other hand
, I believe that overpopulation is the ultimate crisis we encounter given the circumstances.
Firstly
, we ran out of natural resources, which affects the well-being of some citizens.
For example
, many people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries like Somalia, Yemen and Africa are suffering from starvation and malnourishment
due to
 lack of food.
Secondly
, congestion
prompt
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prompts
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 us to expand our surroundings, as we need more space for housing. Society
then
 exploits
mother nature
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Mother Nature
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 by constructing more and more infrastructures which causes pollution threatening our physical health.
Moreover
, overcrowding encourages some individuals
engaged
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to engage
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 in certain activities like mining and deforestation that contributes
predicament
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to predicament
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, which directs to environmental problems
such
 as soil erosion, flooding, and increased greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.
Briefly
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Briefly,
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 our primary concern is the growth of population as it is inflicted with numerous problems. Conclusively, the difficulty we are facing at
this
 moment is the impact of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
uncontrolled procreation.
Submitted by brylpaz on

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coherence cohesion
- There are noticeable issues with overall coherence due to some awkward phrasings and grammatical inconsistencies, which can be corrected by a more rigorous approach to grammar and sentence structure. - While an introduction and conclusion are present, the clarity and effectiveness of these sections could be enhanced. - To improve logical structure, create a clearer flow and build a more compelling argument by connecting ideas better. - Use more cohesive devices appropriately and ensure that paragraph transitions are smooth and logical.
task achievement
- Ensure to address all parts of the task, with a more balanced discussion of the causes and consequences of the issue presented. - To improve task achievement, expand the range of specific examples and explanations provided, thereby enhancing depth and detail. - While your essay does present a response to the prompt, developing more comprehensive ideas through analysis and exploration will increase the essay's effectiveness. - Pay attention to staying on topic and offering a clear argument throughout the response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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