IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you Agree that it is the greatest problem face by humanity?

#rise #world’s #population #humanity #time #face
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In today’s current
condition
Add a comma
condition,
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 the ultimate
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
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 encountered by the people is the gradual growth of inhabitants
in
Change preposition
on
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 the planet. The uncontrollable increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 our number is
trigger
Wrong verb form
triggered
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 by some factors;
Hence
Linking Words
, I concur it’s the biggest threat that we are confronting
due to
Linking Words
 its negative effect on people and the environment. Mainly, our number
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been progressively rising
due to
Linking Words
 multiple pregnancies.
For instance
Linking Words
, most of today’s younger generation are openly engaging
to
Change preposition
in
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 sexual activity without proper knowledge and protection, which results
into
Change preposition
in
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 numerous unintended pregnancies
according to
Linking Words
 the World Health Organization.
Secondly
Linking Words
, most couples have failed to implement family planning. Some partners are unaware of the importance of birth control or birth spacing, which leads them to have a multiple number of children.
Therefore
Linking Words
, because of these
cases
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cases,
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 our population is gradually growing non-stop.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that overpopulation is the ultimate crisis we encounter given the circumstances.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we ran out of natural resources, which affects the well-being of some citizens.
For example
Linking Words
, many people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries like Somalia, Yemen and Africa are suffering from starvation and malnourishment
due to
Linking Words
 lack of food.
Secondly
Linking Words
, congestion
prompt
Change the verb form
prompts
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 us to expand our surroundings, as we need more space for housing. Society
then
Linking Words
 exploits
mother nature
Correct your spelling
Mother Nature
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 by constructing more and more infrastructures which causes pollution threatening our physical health.
Moreover
Linking Words
, overcrowding encourages some individuals
engaged
Change the verb form
to engage
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 in certain activities like mining and deforestation that contributes
predicament
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to predicament
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, which directs to environmental problems
such
Linking Words
 as soil erosion, flooding, and increased greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.
Briefly
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Briefly,
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 our primary concern is the growth of population as it is inflicted with numerous problems. Conclusively, the difficulty we are facing at
this
Linking Words
 moment is the impact of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
uncontrolled procreation.
Submitted by brylpaz on

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coherence cohesion
- There are noticeable issues with overall coherence due to some awkward phrasings and grammatical inconsistencies, which can be corrected by a more rigorous approach to grammar and sentence structure. - While an introduction and conclusion are present, the clarity and effectiveness of these sections could be enhanced. - To improve logical structure, create a clearer flow and build a more compelling argument by connecting ideas better. - Use more cohesive devices appropriately and ensure that paragraph transitions are smooth and logical.
task achievement
- Ensure to address all parts of the task, with a more balanced discussion of the causes and consequences of the issue presented. - To improve task achievement, expand the range of specific examples and explanations provided, thereby enhancing depth and detail. - While your essay does present a response to the prompt, developing more comprehensive ideas through analysis and exploration will increase the essay's effectiveness. - Pay attention to staying on topic and offering a clear argument throughout the response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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