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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Why do people at some stage changed their career? Discuss one main reason, and state your opinion about this?

#people #stage #career #reason
Some people
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 at some point for different reasons. Personally, I think many who are
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 working stage may have switched
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 depending on their own objective. Undeniably, there are several factors that could influence individuals to shift
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
hence
, in my
mind
Add a comma
mind,
show examples
one
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 biggest reason is that they’re not happy about their roles. No
one
 would ever stay put in
one
 place unless they enjoy their position; I guess everyone would agree with me on
this
.
For instance
, my friend who previously worked in a great company that
offers
Wrong verb form
offered
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary with additional benefits, chose to leave just because she
doesn’t
Wrong verb form
didn’t
show examples
 feel blissful about it. After quitting she decided to work with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 private sector
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
extends
Wrong verb form
extending
show examples
 help to the needy;
this
job
 offers her
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 salary but, up till now she is still with
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since she
felt
Wrong verb form
feels
show examples
 contentment with what she does.
For
this
 reason, I could say that against all
odd’s
Change noun form
odd
show examples
 changing
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 is not so bad at all if you
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find the right
one
. From my own perspective changing
one
’s
career
 depends on the need of a person. Even though
one
 is doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great with their duty,
one
 may transfer
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For instance
,
one
 may feel they can’t manage their time well given their priorities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 frame of working schedules
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 fixed and adjustments are impossible
thus
 for them having their own time is much more convenient.
Therefore
, individuals who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other careers
show examples
career
varies
Correct subject-verb agreement
vary
show examples
according to
 their own situation.
Overall
, switching
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
career
 to another
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 defined by several factors,
nevertheless
, feeling unhappy is
one
 of the biggest factors that
had encouraged
Wrong verb form
encourages
show examples
 them to
changed
Change the form of the verb
change
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Thus
, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
one
’s decision to change solely depends on their own goals to be achieved.
Submitted by brylpaz on

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Introduction and Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential for setting the context and summarizing the main points. It is important to frame your essay with these elements to guide the reader.
Supported Main Points
The main points need to be better supported with specific examples and explanations. Each paragraph should contain one clear idea that is expanded upon with evidence or examples.
Logical Structure
Organize the essay with clear logical connectors and transitions. Ensure that the essay is structured in a way that each paragraph flows naturally to the next.
Complete Response
Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response. Expand on the main reason for career changes and explain why your opinion is justified.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify your ideas for better comprehension. Your writing should be easily understood on first reading without confusion around the ideas presented.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate your point and provide a practical insight into the issues discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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