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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024.

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024.
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The maps illustrate the changes in the layouts of the
school
Use synonyms
side
Use synonyms
 during the 20-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there will be several developments in the structure of the
school
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
, with adding new facilities and changing the same areas.
To begin
Linking Words
, looking at the maps closely sports field which was located on the north
side
Use synonyms
 of the
school
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
 in 2004, will be replaced by a new
school
Use synonyms
 building,
while
Linking Words
 the sports field will be on the east
side
Use synonyms
 of the
area
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,the first car park situated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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front of the main entrance,
while
Linking Words
 the second car park will be added on the right
side
Use synonyms
 of the main entrance between
school
Use synonyms
 building 3 and on the right
side
Use synonyms
 of the tree.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
school
Use synonyms
side
Use synonyms
 will be witnessed several alterations; the path will be extended to the former,
while
Linking Words
 the road will be built in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
area
Use synonyms
 between
school
Use synonyms
 building 2 and the park.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, side, area with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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