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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that construction of new public buildings such as museums, towns halls and sporting is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #construction #buildings #museums #towns #halls #renovation #ones
Recent times have, no doubt, witnessed a contentious debate that new public buildings i.e. town halls, museums and sporting should be built rather than renovating those which had already been constructed years ago, and
this
 some people, including me, do not support since preserving older structures should be the first priority of authority before focusing on constructing newer ones.
This
 essay will explain both sides in the following paragraphs. Reasons behind the notion of protecting older buildings are many; the most prominent one is their historical significance which led to their creation in order to memorize the indispensable historical events that happened at those particular landmarks. Several British cities contain a multitude of museums on the locations where battles of World War 2 had been fought,
for example
.
In addition
, these older structures
such
 as town halls represent the relationship between the present and past; impacting people profoundly in the pursuit of learning.
Therefore
, renovations to make them more educated and accessible are highly needed. Contrarily, new constructions are certainly beneficial since they are built majorly to display the advanced technology and innovations in the scientific field; assisting not only children but adults to learn heterogeneous aspects of modernization and the technical world.
For instance
,
Robotic
Correct article usage
the Robotic
show examples
 Museum created in New York, is greatly emboldening for scholars to learn the unknown facts and future revelations of AI on human lives. To recapitulate, even though new buildings hold potential
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ignoring the maintenance of existing ones will result in the destruction of multiple places and
thus
, society will lose its connection with the past.
Submitted by asr.rajni2001 on

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coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider creating stronger topic sentences that clearly state the main idea you'll be discussing in each paragraph. Additionally, make a conscious effort to create better transitions between sentences and paragraphs for a more fluid presentation of ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices would strengthen the essay's structure.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt by presenting a balanced discussion of both views and a clear personal opinion. Extend your support with specific examples and explanations. While your essay shows a foundational approach to this, more detailed and elaborative examples could enhance the overall response quality.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural hub
  • recreational hub
  • administrative hub
  • community development
  • modern amenities
  • rejuvenate
  • cutting-edge architecture
  • symbol of progress
  • historical preservation
  • sustainable
  • community identity
  • continuity
  • balance
  • heritage
  • renovation
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