IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Vaccinating children against preventing diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous to waht extend do you agree or disagree?

#children #diseases #waht
The vaccination
Correct article usage
Vaccination
show examples
 is widely used to prevent
diseases
 among
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in the
world
 and it is some kind of better way to address
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous
diseases
. Children are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the key
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
that is
 going to be
thretened
Correct your spelling
threatened
 by
diseases
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the lack of
immune
Correct article usage
an immune
show examples
 system. The argument of vaccinating kids to prevent
diseases
 is mostly valuable in the modern
world
 to avert
unkown
Correct your spelling
unknown
 viruses rapidly. So, I completely disagree with
this
 development because it is the only way to prevent
illnessess
Correct your spelling
illnesses
.
Firstly
, vaccinating is necessary among
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation and it is one of the effective
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to address
specilal
Correct your spelling
special
 infections.
Nowadys
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, it can be seen
variuos
Correct your spelling
various
 types of infections
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are caused by germs
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 viruses which cannot be prevented only by their
self immune
Add a hyphen
self-immune
show examples
 system.
Therefore
 they must be vaccinated to enhance
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 immune to fight against dangerous viruses.
For example
, inactivated poliovirus vaccine shots are given at age 2 months which has become the most successful project around the
world
.
Therefore
, it is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 vaccinated to prevent
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of threats in the future and I completely disagree
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the argument.
On the other hand
, people are
telling
Verb problem
saying
show examples
 that vaccination is very harmful for children because
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 are not
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 enough to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 jabs. The vaccines are
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
 of
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 from experts in the
world
 and most of the time they come up with better results
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are validated and approved by the WHO.
Moreover
, death rates after being vaccinated
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very low compared to numbers without being vaccinated.
For instance
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
third
Add a hyphen
third-world
show examples
world
 countries
are suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 various infections
due to
 avoiding vaccines.
However
, vaccination is not harmful for children when considering dangerous
diseases
. In conclusion,
vaccinating
Replace the word
vaccination
show examples
 is very valuable for kids to maximise their immune system to attack
diseases
 in the modern
world
 effectively and it will not be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
dangerous as they are approved by WHO which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 used to
lowering
Wrong verb form
lower
show examples
 the number of deaths.
Submitted by Praslah on

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coherence cohesion
There are several issues in the logical structure of the essay. While the introduction offers a clear stance, the body paragraphs could be better organized and signposting phrases or transitional expressions should be used to improve clarity and flow of arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but not fully developed. They do not adequately paraphrase the prompt or clearly summarize the main points made in the essay. More attention needs to be paid to framing the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are touched upon but are not sufficiently expanded with supporting arguments or detailed explanations. Ensuring each paragraph explores an idea thoroughly would strengthen the essay.
task achievement
While the response attempts to address the prompt, it fails to fully respond to all parts of the task. The position is stated, but the reasons for disagreement need more development and clearer exposition. Acknowledging the opposing view more thoroughly would improve the completeness of the response.
task achievement
Ideas are often simply stated rather than explained and developed comprehensively. Each idea presented requires further elaboration and support to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
While examples are provided, they could be more relevant and specific to the argument being made. Include concrete examples or data to fortify your viewpoints and lend them legitimacy.

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