IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of visitors at three malls in somecity between 1995 and 2015

The bar chart below shows the number of visitors at three malls in somecity between 1995 and 2015
#bar #visitors #three #malls #somecity
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart provides information about the number of people who
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 into three different malls from 1995 to 2000. Generally speaking,
LaGuandia
, Newark, and John F. Kennedy Malls experienced an increase from the beginning to
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the periods, with
LaGuandia
had
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 the highest number and Newark with the least number.
LaGuandia
Correct your spelling
LaGuardia
 had the highest
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 of 35
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
guests
within
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1995
year
 and gradually rose in the following
year
. In 1996 and 1997, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 40 and 43
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 respectively,
whereas
, at
this
 point,
LaGuandia
Correct your spelling
LaGuardia
being
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 outraced by John F. Kennedy Malls in terms of the highest
guests
Correct quantifier usage
number of guests
show examples
. After that, it made up approximately 3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 to 46
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1998 and reached its peak
at the end
 of the
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
 in 2000 with 68
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
visitors
.
As well as
LaGuandia
, Newark Mall
also
 faced an upward trend throughout the intervals. It started with 15
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 which became the lowest among the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. The
visitors
inclined
Verb problem
increased
show examples
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
 until 1997 it reached 40
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people and remained stable for the rest of the
year
.
However
, John F. Kennedy Mall faced a
fluctuate
Replace the word
fluctuation
show examples
 throughout the periods. It began with 27
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people and steadily rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 48 million in 1997. The next
year
, it declined a little to 38
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and remained stable the following
year
.
Finally
, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased again
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 44
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
 in 2000.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words laguandia, visitors, millions, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: