IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, some nations have a tendency to enormously increase the
number
Use synonyms
 of young adults but the
number
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 remains low. Despite some obvious
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 trend, I would argue that the advantages surpass the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
this
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 disparity inevitably poses numerous problems. One of the main
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 is the potentially high unemployment rate.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to a rise in social and political instability because of the competition of the huge
number
Use synonyms
 of graduated students every year.
In addition
Linking Words
, training the young workforce is challenging in not only the cost but the time and effort
also
Linking Words
. These young
people
Use synonyms
, don't have experience in hard skills and soft skills, either. A highly skilled expert has to be assigned to guide the newbie with the tight training agendas within at least 3 months.
In other words
Linking Words
, the reduction of a vast
number
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 owning great expertise is unavoidable.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that the benefits are more significant than the negative impacts.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the huge
number
Use synonyms
 of
young
Add an article
the young
a young
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 provides
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
incredible economic growth. These
people
Use synonyms
 are more proactive and more initiative than the older labor workforce
such
Linking Words
 as, start-up
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been seen as a rapidly rising trend in the modern world which means
this
Linking Words
 is contributing a large amount of tax base to the country.
For example
Linking Words
, countries like India and China have a significant young
population
Use synonyms
, which has contributed to their rapid economic growth in recent years.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation can reduce the financial burden of providing healthcare
as well as
Linking Words
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
 and other public services for ageing
people
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 are healthier and more physically prepared at a young stage of life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, an incredible load of government work decreases. In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of having a large
population
Use synonyms
 are more crucial than the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 for the reasons mentioned above. Governments should focus on developing policies and programs to maximize the potential economic benefits of a young
population
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 mitigating the potential negative consequences

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure that the logical progression of your essay is consistently clear and that all paragraphs relate cohesively to each other. To improve, focus on the clarity of the relations between your ideas. Use cohesive devices appropriately to signal the connections and strengthen the unity of the text.
task achievement
You have addressed the requirements of the task, which included discussing the advantages and disadvantages. To enhance your score, consider providing a more balanced discussion and ensure that the examples given are explicitly relevant and effectively illustrate your point. Aim for comprehensive coverage of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: