IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people, nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this. Do you think is a positive or negative development.

Nowadays,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in human lives.
People
Use synonyms
 spend the majority of their free
time
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through
Change preposition
on
show examples
smartphones
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 modern era. There are numerous reasons which lead to
this
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 phenomenon. In the following paragraph, I will explain the reasons and will give my own viewpoints about
this
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 subject.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, technological advancements encourage
people
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 to utilize their
smartphones
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 in their spare
time
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.
Firstly
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, these devices have a vital impact on humans’ communications with their relatives and friends who live far away from their homes.
In other words
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, individuals had to send letters to their loved ones in order to communicate with them.
This
Linking Words
 method was
time
Use synonyms
-consuming.
However
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, these days a wide range of apps are offered by mobile
phones
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 which has facilitated communications.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
smartphones
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 are means which are accessible almost every
time
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 and everywhere. So,
people
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 could boost their knowledge and awareness of various subjects via social media and news.
For example
Linking Words
, paper news like newspapers and journals are released at less pace but
people
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 are informed about news instantly.
As a result
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, the more
people
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 use mobile
phones
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 in their free
time
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, the more benefits they can harvest.
On the other hand
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, despite the fact that using
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
 could have some plus points, there are myriad negative consequences
due to
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 employing
smartphones
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 over a long period. First and foremost, overusing these devices may pose a threat to
people
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’s well-being. Some individuals might be addicted to mobile
phones
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 which have undeniable negative results.
For instance
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, many
people
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 who have sensitive eyes acknowledge that they suffer from vision problems
due to
Linking Words
 the light of their smartphone’s screen.
In addition
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, using
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
 could lead to some mental difficulties. When they are involved
in
Change preposition
at
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 different times on social media and other facilities of their phone, they do not spend
time
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 with
people
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.
Thus
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, there are numerous examples of
people
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 who get depression
due to
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 surfing on the internet and spending
time
Use synonyms
 in solitary. Indeed, those could not cultivate a fabulous link with others.
Thus
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, they would
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 some problems mentally. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some reasons that a group of
people
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 have a tendency to spend
time
Use synonyms
 on
smartphones
Use synonyms
, I personally take the view that using mobile
phones
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 has some unfavourable outcomes.
This
Linking Words
 action not only has damaging impacts physically, but it
also
Linking Words
 has detrimental consequences mentally.

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task achievement
The essay tends to wander off-topic from the initial point of discussion—the positive or negative development of smartphone usage. It is essential to directly address the question throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
While there is a clear introduction and conclusion, the development of ideas within paragraphs can be improved. Transition words and phrases should be used more effectively to lead the reader through the points being made.
coherence cohesion
When presenting main points, ensure each is supported with specific examples and explanations. Vague references to 'technological advancements' and 'health issues' without elaboration do not sufficiently develop the argument.
task achievement
Examples presented to support points lack specificity and relevance. They should clearly demonstrate the impact of smartphone usage, reflecting the positive or negative aspects as per the essay prompt.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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