IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What problems does this cause? Can you suggest some solutions to this issue?

#people #balance #work #part #lives
In
new
Add an article
the new
show examples
 era, some population in the world
are confuse
Change the verb form
are confused
are confusing
show examples
 to choose the option
within
Change preposition
to
show examples
deciding
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a devoting
time
 for
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 or
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 family. In my opinion,
this
 action is needed to divide all the
time
 both
work's
Change noun form
work
show examples
time
 and
social's
Change noun form
social
show examples
time
.
However
, it is very hard to find by worker in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 state of equilibrium position.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay will discuss how
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the situation
occure
Correct your spelling
occurs
occur
occurred
 and what is solution given. I will start with the reason why did imbalance happened. A part of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
say
Change the verb form
says
show examples
 that job
demans
Correct your spelling
demands
demons
 are the cause of
this
 state.
For example
, an
employment
Replace the word
employee
show examples
 will start their
work
 from 8.00 am and will end
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 4.00 pm in
normally
Change the word
normal
show examples
time's
Change noun form
time
show examples
work
. They spend about 8 hours per day in
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 let
is
Correct your spelling
us
show examples
 compare it to the
time
 we spend with our family in one day. We have less than 7 hours per day with family actively, 8 hours for
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rest and, more
time
 is spent on
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
show examples
. Many solutions are given by
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 to solve the problem with
manipulate
Wrong verb form
manipulated
show examples
 management and quality of
time
. A consultant
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 a suggestion to make
time
Correct article usage
a time
show examples
 priority scale that
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of
time
 for
work
,
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 a rest, social and other.
Then
, identify the specific
time
 for families
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 more
time
 on free days.
For instance
, we have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time
 to go out with our son and wife on
saturday
Change the capitalization
Saturday
show examples
 and
sunday
Change the capitalization
Sunday
show examples
.
As a result
,
this
time
 is very
precius
Correct your spelling
precious
 to build families relationship. In conclusion,
Alhought
Correct your spelling
although
 many people think it is hard to be stable
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
accupation
Correct your spelling
occupation
 and
houshold
Correct your spelling
household
, it must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do
as well as
 they can.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 management is the key to
this
 problem.
Submitted by endangsepdanius on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay structure appears to be somewhat haphazard, and the development of ideas lacks coherence at times. It is essential to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the paragraphs logically progress from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
It is important that the introduction and conclusion are clearly identifiable and effectively encapsulate the essay's main points. This essay has an introduction and conclusion, but they do not clearly set the boundaries or effectively summarize the content of the essay. The conclusion particularly should clearly reflect on the content discussed and offer a definitive stance or summary.
coherence cohesion
Key points are mentioned but not developed fully or supported with specific examples. To strengthen the essay, expand on the main ideas with detailed examples and explanations. This will increase clarity and show a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
task achievement
The response addresses the topic but does not fully satisfy the requirements of the task. Ensure that the essay discusses the implications of the issue in depth and offers concrete solutions. The solutions presented should be practical and well-explained.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and in a more comprehensive manner. Work on sentence construction and use a range of vocabulary to convey precise meaning. Avoid repetition of ideas and strive for clarity in presenting your argument.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will add weight to your arguments and show that you have thought about real-world applications and implications of the topic at hand.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: