IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What problems does this cause? Can you suggest some solutions to this issue?

#people #balance #work #part #lives
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In
new
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the new
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 era, some population in the world
are confuse
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are confused
are confusing
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 to choose the option
within
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to
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deciding
Verb problem
apply
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a devoting
time
 for
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
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 or
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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time
on
Change preposition
with
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 family. In my opinion,
this
 action is needed to divide all the
time
 both
work's
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work
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time
 and
social's
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social
show examples
time
.
However
, it is very hard to find by worker in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 state of equilibrium position.
In
Change preposition
This
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this
 essay will discuss how
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the situation
occure
Correct your spelling
occurs
occur
occurred
 and what is solution given. I will start with the reason why did imbalance happened. A part of
population
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the population
show examples
say
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says
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 that job
demans
Correct your spelling
demands
demons
 are the cause of
this
 state.
For example
, an
employment
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employee
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 will start their
work
 from 8.00 am and will end
in
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at
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 4.00 pm in
normally
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normal
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time's
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time
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work
. They spend about 8 hours per day in
company
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the company
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.
While
,
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apply
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 let
is
Correct your spelling
us
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 compare it to the
time
 we spend with our family in one day. We have less than 7 hours per day with family actively, 8 hours for
take
Verb problem
apply
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rest and, more
time
 is spent on
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
show examples
. Many solutions are given by
expert
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experts
show examples
 to solve the problem with
manipulate
Wrong verb form
manipulated
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 management and quality of
time
. A consultant
give
Wrong verb form
gave
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 a suggestion to make
time
Correct article usage
a time
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 priority scale that
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of
time
 for
work
,
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 a rest, social and other.
Then
, identify the specific
time
 for families
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 more
time
 on free days.
For instance
, we have
a
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apply
show examples
time
 to go out with our son and wife on
saturday
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Saturday
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 and
sunday
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Sunday
show examples
.
As a result
,
this
time
 is very
precius
Correct your spelling
precious
 to build families relationship. In conclusion,
Alhought
Correct your spelling
although
 many people think it is hard to be stable
among
Change preposition
in
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accupation
Correct your spelling
occupation
 and
houshold
Correct your spelling
household
, it must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do
as well as
 they can.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 management is the key to
this
 problem.
Submitted by endangsepdanius on

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coherence cohesion
The essay structure appears to be somewhat haphazard, and the development of ideas lacks coherence at times. It is essential to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the paragraphs logically progress from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
It is important that the introduction and conclusion are clearly identifiable and effectively encapsulate the essay's main points. This essay has an introduction and conclusion, but they do not clearly set the boundaries or effectively summarize the content of the essay. The conclusion particularly should clearly reflect on the content discussed and offer a definitive stance or summary.
coherence cohesion
Key points are mentioned but not developed fully or supported with specific examples. To strengthen the essay, expand on the main ideas with detailed examples and explanations. This will increase clarity and show a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
task achievement
The response addresses the topic but does not fully satisfy the requirements of the task. Ensure that the essay discusses the implications of the issue in depth and offers concrete solutions. The solutions presented should be practical and well-explained.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and in a more comprehensive manner. Work on sentence construction and use a range of vocabulary to convey precise meaning. Avoid repetition of ideas and strive for clarity in presenting your argument.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will add weight to your arguments and show that you have thought about real-world applications and implications of the topic at hand.
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