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Band 6.5

People in many countries are spending less time with their families. What are the reasons, and effects of this

#people #countries #time #families #effects
In
this
 day and age, numerous nations don'
t
 spend enough
time
 or don'
t
 have any
time
 to meet the family.
This
 has affected many relationships, so it goes without saying that the gap in households is one of the most important issues facing today. First of all, several factors force societies don'
t
 have much
time
 to spend with themself or even their family
for instance
, working people nowadays have a lot of work that they have to do on
time
 so it comes with pressure and stress that they have to face and another's impact reason is technology today are more develop communication with family by mobile is easy and save
time
 more than meet them face to face.
Moreover
, large nations think that money is the biggest essential in their life than family. Some people just talk with their birth by telephone on important days.
Second,
a significant effect of
this
 point is it can cause a generation gap in the family.
Hence
, when family members don'
t
 meet each other they will not be close with others which will be problems in the long term.
Furthermore
,
this
 issue comes with mental health matters many feel depressed about their role and can'
t
 tell anybody.
For example
, teenagers who need counselling support sometimes there may
feel
Rephrase
sometimes feel
show examples
 lonely because their parents do not have enough
time
 to take care of them
also
Rephrase
as well as
show examples
 older nations.
To sum up
,
this
 effect is a super influence on the public today's busy life schedules and technology power family relationships negatively same as mental health issues in the long term.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point you make. This will help to demonstrate a deeper level of analysis and understanding of the topic. For instance, when mentioning technology, you could discuss how social media or video calls compare to face-to-face interactions.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Each paragraph should connect smoothly to the next, making the essay easy to follow. Think about using more transitional phrases and linking words.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your points. While you have given some examples, more detailed and varied examples will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the reasons and effects as required by the prompt, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your essay well.
task achievement
The idea that technology impacts family communication is a relevant and insightful point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demands of the workplace
  • digital technology
  • social media
  • individualism
  • erosion of family bonds
  • emotional distance
  • strain relationships
  • emotional support
  • negative impact
  • emotional, social, and academic challenges
  • neglected
  • guidance and support
  • stress and mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • depression
What to do next:
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