It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
It is an undeniable fact that in our professional and personal lives, sometimes we are forced to make a
decision
and almost every decision
will have risks
, whether high or low. And in
the article below, I will give some of my opinions on Correct word choice
In
this
issue. For me, when making a decision
, the first thing I think about is the risk
they bring. I always question myself in advance: when I accept to do something, what are the risks
it might bring along/ about?
On the one hand, from my perspective, accepting risks
about health or life is not worth it, no matter how many benefits it brings, but as long as it is related to significant losses, I do not dare to bet. For example
, playing risky games like going on a sky bridge and I know that they have protective gear but what if severe problems come up? Just because of curiosity or joy, in a moment we feel like we are betting our own lives. Another example of an academic environment is that if we keep making up excuses to miss school or work that day, the risk
we will receive is too high for studying as our scores will gradually decrease due to
the limited amount of knowledge we have. Similarly
, if you take a few days off or at work, you have to accept that your salary will be deducted and the worst thing is to lose that job, then
the temporary joy will gradually fade due to
the risks
it brings.
On the other hand
, if we accept risk
selectively/ strategically, the positive things it brings will outweigh the negative things. For illustration, if you are new to stocks or bitcoin, it will be incredibly reckless. However
, as for those who are familiar with it they will be well aware of essential ways of cutting corners, knowing how the market fluctuates, and getting ready to face the music. Once most of their possibility of losses has been reduced to a very low level, risks
can be regarded as opportunities in which one can receive more valuable things, enjoying the most fruitful results. (In life, provided that you ask someone else to do something for you, you will be sure of it correctly and the risk
it brings is not high. {this
sentence is ambiguous}) That's why selective risk
-taking attached to a strategic exit is also
very important when we make a decision
on a certain issue.
After
this
article, I believe that risk
will be beneficial if we are selective people because the value it brings is very high and it is worth it for us to do it.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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task achievement
Your introduction does not clearly present the topic and your viewpoint. An effective introduction should restate the question and outline your position.
task achievement
You must address the specific question posed - do the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Your essay remains quite general and does not directly address this comparison.
coherence cohesion
There is no clear conclusion summarizing your argument and restating your opinion. A conclusion is essential to effectively finalize your thoughts and provide closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. Try to organize your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and follow them with supporting details that relate directly back to the central topic.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphing is weak throughout the essay, which negatively affects readability. Group related ideas clearly in distinct paragraphs and employ clear transitions to improve flow.
task achievement
The examples provided, while relevant, are not fully explored or linked back to the main question. Elaborate on examples to show how they support your point related to the benefits and drawbacks of risk-taking.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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