IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In the future all cars,buses and trucks will be driverless.The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers.Do you think advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantagous?

#future #cars #buses #trucks #driverless #people #vehicles #passengers #disadvantagous
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light of the proliferation of
technology
, there
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be no more
automonous
Correct your spelling
autonomous
vehicles
 in the future.
While
 there are some benefits associated with the advent of
driverless
cars
,I believe the main drawbacks are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential advantage of
driverless
vehicles
 may be bringing the opportunity of driving for specific groups of
people
 who are unable to drive
due to
 their physical status or law.
For instance
, many elderly
people
 find it difficult to drive and travel.
As a result
,
this
 situation may lead to mental problems
such
 as depression.
Furthermore
,the state-of-the-art means of transport will make it easy for disabled
people
 or children who are under 18 to enjoy travelling and will bring them a sense of satisfaction.Another perceived benefit is that
people
 can allocate time for other activities rather than driving their
cars
.
For example
, relying on modern
technology
 they can just sit and enjoy the view
as well as
 surfing on the Internet or even
sleeping
Wrong verb form
sleep
show examples
.
On the other hand
, a primary disadvantage of auto-driving
cars
 is
significant
Add an article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. From an economic perspective,
transportation's
Change noun form
transportation
show examples
 companies prefer to choose
driverless
vehicles
 in order to gain more profits.
Consequently
, a vast number of society
mambers
Correct your spelling
members
 whose source of revenue is associated with self-driving
vehicles
 are more likely to lose their jobs.
Therefore
, they cannot provide their families with their basic needs. A
further
 negative is that most
people
 find it complicated to use
such
 cutting-edge
technology
.Since a majority of society members are unfamiliar with modern software, governments should raise public awareness about
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of the new
technology
. If
people
 are
oblivoius
Correct your spelling
obligated
 to use the related software appropriately,adverse
consequances
Correct your spelling
consequences
 would
be happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
such
 as unexpected accidents
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in rush hours. On balance, it is true that
driverless
cars
 would seem advantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its negative effects in terms of unemployment and its adverse consequences override the advantages.
Submitted by shabnam.sohanian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay generally follows a coherent structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas can be improved with better transition phrases and clearer progression of thoughts. The introduction could be more effectively articulated to clearly outline the following arguments.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph contains a central idea which generally supports the main argument, but at times, these main points could be further developed with more specific examples and analysis. This would strengthen the overall argument and provide a more persuasive essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the task, providing arguments for both advantages and disadvantages of driverless vehicles. The conclusion is present and reflects the content, although it could be stronger in making a definitive stance that directly responds to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The ideas are clear, but the writer should aim for more comprehensive exploration and include more detailed examples to substantiate the claims.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: