In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often contended that increasing the presence of law enforcement personnel and expanding prison capacities are insufficient measures to curb urban crime rates. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
perspective and maintain that addressing the root causes, Linking Words
such
as poverty and the lack of educational opportunities, is instrumental in mitigating criminal activities.
Linking Words
To begin
with, financial deprivation forces individuals to endure substandard living conditions, characterized by inadequate access to basic necessities Linking Words
such
as nutritious food, potable water, proper clothing, and quality education. Linking Words
Such
circumstances often lead to the deterioration of health, with illnesses emerging as a direct consequence of malnutrition and poor hygiene—both of which necessitate financial resources for treatment. Linking Words
Although
implementing stricter regulations and imposing severe penalties might dissuade certain offences, the persistence of dire living conditions perpetually undermines morale and compels individuals to resort to unlawful actions as a means of survival. Linking Words
Hence
, improving socio-economic conditions represents one of the most effective strategies to diminish the prevalence of illegal activities.
Linking Words
Moreover
, limited educational opportunities are intrinsically linked to chronic unemployment and underemployment. Prestigious organizations offering lucrative salaries invariably seek employees equipped with advanced qualifications and specialized skills, leaving those without formal education confined to low-paying jobs. Linking Words
Consequently
, the inability to achieve financial stability exacerbates feelings of frustration, which, in many cases, propels individuals toward illicit endeavours in their quest for a better quality of life. In Linking Words
this
regard, providing equitable access to education and vocational training would not only enhance employment prospects but Linking Words
also
serve as a deterrent to criminal behaviour.
In conclusion, Linking Words
while
the enforcement of laws and punitive measures may address the symptoms of crime, they fail to eliminate its underlying causes. Poverty and educational disparity remain the primary drivers of petty and organized crime, and their mitigation through targeted social and economic reforms is imperative. Linking Words
Therefore
, a holistic approach that prioritizes poverty alleviation and the provision of comprehensive educational opportunities is essential to fostering a safer and more equitable society.Linking Words
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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific programs or countries that have successfully implemented educational reform to reduce crime could make your essay even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraph transitions are as smooth as possible. Although your essay is well-structured, some seamless transitions between points could enhance the overall flow. Additionally, using more transitional phrases could help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the question, thoroughly discussing both the role of police and the underlying causes of crime.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph supports a main point that contributes to your overall argument, and you have effectively included an introduction and conclusion that neatly tie your points together.
coherence cohesion
The essay remains clear and concise throughout, with well-developed ideas explained in detail, making it easy to follow your reasoning.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example