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Writing Samples
Band 7

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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People in different societies believe that taking care of
children
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 is the most significant job.
Therefore
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, they consider that all mothers and fathers should be asked to take a course that could help them to be good
parents
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. I partly agree with the view, as taking
courses
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 may bring more knowledge about
children
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, yet not every couples could afford the cost and the time.
To begin
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 with, taking
courses
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 can help these future
parents
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 learn basic knowledge about
children
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's health, safety and emotional development.
For example
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, the nutrition class could teach
parents
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 more information about the nutritional intake of
children
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 of different ages. By learning from an expert, the
parents
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 are able to serve
children
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 with more suitable foods.
Secondly
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, taking
courses
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 can
also
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 teach
parents
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 how to deal with basic safety problems.
For instance
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, a young child chokes
while
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 eating or has a high fever,
parents
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 who have learned basic first aid may know how to respond more calmly and seek medical help quickly.
This
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 kind of knowledge can reduce panic and help
parents
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 protect their
children
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 in everyday situations.
However
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, making
such
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courses
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 compulsory for all
parents
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 may be unrealistic and unnecessary. Every family has different difficulties,
such
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 as financial issues. Normally, the classes cost a lot.
Therefore
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, not every parent can afford the cost of classes and the time in transport. In conclusion, I partly agree that these
parents
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 should take
courses
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 to become great
parents
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.
Nevertheless
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, every family should consider their own circumstances and decide whether to join the classes or not.

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task response
For task response, explain your second side more. You say courses may cost too much and take time, but this part is short. Add one more clear idea, such as free public classes or online lessons.
task response
For task response, keep your position very clear from start to end. You say you partly agree, and this is good, but make sure each body part clearly supports this view.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make it stronger, link ideas inside paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences can be more direct. For example, instead of moving fast from cost to travel time, explain why these points make the rule hard for all parents.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check small word forms and grammar because they can make the flow less smooth, for example 'every couples' should be 'every couple' or 'all couples'.
task response
For task response, you answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
task response
For task response, you use real and clear examples, like food needs and first aid.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your introduction and conclusion are both clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Child development
  • Mandatory courses
  • Nutrition
  • Discipline strategies
  • Effective communication
  • Government regulations
  • Voluntary workshops
  • Community support
  • Cultural backgrounds
  • Personal beliefs
  • Emotionally stable
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