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Writing Samples
Band 6

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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People in different societies believe that taking care of
children
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 is the most important job in one’s life.
Thus
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, these individuals think that all mothers and fathers should take a course which can prepare them to be good
parents
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. I partly agree with
this
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 view, as taking
classes
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 could help them be more concerned about troubles which might happen to their
children
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, yet the planning might not be useful when they face unpredictable accidents.
To begin
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 with, taking
classes
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 could help these future
parents
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 be more prepared for possible situations.
For instance
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, the issue of
kids'
Check wording
kids
show examples
 being overweight becomes more and more serious. The
class
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 related to nutrition could help
parents
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 design a new recipe and solve the
problem
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.
Secondly
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, the discussion in
class
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 with other couples may
discover
Verb problem
reveal
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 a new
problem
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 or issue, and
therefore
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, could develop a solution.
For example
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, there are a lot of
children
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 who are very picky about eating vegetables. These future
parents
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 might want to solve the
problem
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 by taking a cooking
class
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. During the
classes
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, they could learn and discuss the diet.
Thus
Linking Words
, the discussion could be beneficial to them.
On the other hand
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, unpredictable accidents happened in any time. Take the pandemic as an example, people were facing an unknown virus at the beginning. Because nobody was familiar with
such
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 terrible infectious diseases, the
parents
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 started feeling panic, especially when the
children
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 had been quarantined. Even though the
class
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 might teach the
parents
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 about the flu infection among
children
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, sometimes the worries could overwhelm and make the situation even worse. In conclusion,
mostly,
Rephrase
apply
show examples
I believe
taking
Correct word choice
that taking
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
 could prepare all mothers and fathers to be good
parents
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. These
classes
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 not only increase these couples’ confidence to figure out any
problem
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 of their babies but
also
Linking Words
 share more new knowledge that could prevent any trouble happened.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but the end sounds more like you mostly agree.
task response
Add one more clear reason for the other side, so both sides feel more balanced.
task response
Explain your examples more. Show exactly how each class helps parents and why this supports your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that clearly show the main point of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few ideas jump too fast. Add short lines to connect one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and sentence patterns because small grammar problems sometimes make your meaning less clear.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion in the introduction.
task response
You use examples about food, cooking class, and the pandemic to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'To begin with', 'Secondly', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Child development
  • Mandatory courses
  • Nutrition
  • Discipline strategies
  • Effective communication
  • Government regulations
  • Voluntary workshops
  • Community support
  • Cultural backgrounds
  • Personal beliefs
  • Emotionally stable
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