IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #information #address #telephone #number… #activities #networks #development
Increasingly, individuals are sharing their personal
details
, including addresses and phone numbers, on the Internet as part of routine activities like socializing on social media or engaging in online banking.
Although
this
 technique may improve user experience, I believe that it is a negative development because individuals would be more exposed to cyber-crime. On the one hand, updating personal
information
 online allows internet buyers to have a better experience. Consumers can make more comfortable online purchases by linking personal
details
 with unique accounts.
As a result
, customers may avoid the time-consuming data submission and proceed directly to the final stage of making transactions because their
information
 has already been linked with their sign-in accounts during the first registration.
For instance
, when consumers sign up for e-commerce platforms like Shopee or Lazada, there will be a page for customers to fill in their
details
.
However
, I believe that
information
 publication should be taken into consideration because it is dangerous for people's lives.
On the other hand
, posting personal
information
 on the internet exposes users to the risk of illegal activity. Private
details
 given online,
such
 as names, addresses and security numbers can be used for nefarious reasons like financial fraud.
Therefore
, user's
information
 may be collected and utilized against their will, for purposes
such
 as extortion, property fraud, or disinformation.
For example
, as has often been the case on social networking sites, unaware users might fall prey to hackers by clicking on links that violate their security settings. I believe that users' wants, likes, and ideas might be exploited by shady groups if their personal
information
 falls into the wrong hands. In conclusion,
although
 public personal
details
 can bring a comfortable experience for customers, they should be limited
due to
 the possibility of online fraud.
Submitted by baonhi260804 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your main argument and your conclusion effectively summarises your views without introducing new ideas.
logical structure
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help the reader follow your argument, but be careful not to overuse them.
supported main points
Each main point should be elaborated with sufficient detail and supported by evidence or examples, which are specific and relevant to the topic.
complete response
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task, clearly presenting your viewpoint on the issue and extending your ideas with explanations and examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to express your ideas clearly and effectively, avoiding repetition and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea.
relevant specific examples
Use examples that are specific, relevant, and effectively illustrate your point, expanding on them to show how they support your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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