Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children.
Nowadays lots of
parents
do jobs and work in their day-to-day life. Do some parents
use childcare
centres to keep their children
till they work and some parents
keep their children
with their grandfather or grandmother.
From these two things, some Change the punctuation
?
parents
think that keeping their child in a childcare
centre is the best option. But some of the other parents
think that keeping their children
with grandparents
is the best option. I will discuss both of these views and then
illustrate my opinion.
On the one hand, parents
think that keeping their kids
with grandparents
is the best option without keeping their kids
in childcare
centres. Lots of kids
have a good connection between grandfather and grandmother. There are some reasons for this
. One of it
is, Correct pronoun usage
these
grandparents
take Correct word choice
that grandparents
care
of their grandchild from their hearts and they have a good connection between them too. So kids
are very friendly with their grandparents
and grandparents
also
take good care
of their grandchildren.
On the other hand
, Some parents
think keeping their kids
a
Change preposition
in a
childcare
centre is a good thing. Actually, keeping kids
in a childcare
centre is a good thing because there are so many kids
in that place. So kids
can stay with lots of kids
and spend their time with them happily together. Also
, in childcare
centres, they take a
Remove the article
apply
care
of everything. For an
example, their doing activities with Correct article usage
apply
kids
, their
feeding Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
kids
, and making kids
to
studyChange the verb form
apply
Rephrase
apply
also
. So kids
get used to doing their own things by them too.
To conclude
, My opinion is to keep kids
with grandparents
. Keeping kids
with their grandparents
is the best thing. One thing is, that grandparents
take a
very good Remove the article
apply
care
of their children
, and the other thing is kids
are very close to their grandparents
, so they can stay with them happily and freely too.Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on
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task achievement
The introduction of your essay provides a general overview of the topic, which is a good start. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines your position and what the essay will cover. It is crucial to make your stance clear from the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay generally sticks to the topic, but the body paragraphs do not expand on the ideas sufficiently. You need to develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant, specific examples to support them. Simply stating that grandparents have a good connection with grandchildren or that childcare centres offer certain activities is not enough. You must provide specific instances or evidence to illustrate these points.
coherence cohesion
While you have structured your essay into paragraphs, there is an uneven development of ideas within paragraphs, and transitions between them are not smooth. To achieve better coherence and cohesion, start by organizing your paragraphs around one central idea each. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively and ensure a natural flow of information.
task achievement
It is evident that you have an understanding of the task and attempt to present both sides of the argument. However, your personal opinion is not clearly distinguished from the discussion of the other views. Remember, in a discussion essay, your opinion should be clearly expressed, usually in a separate paragraph before the conclusion, to meet the expectations for a complete response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.