Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children.
Nowadays lots of
parents
do jobs and work in their day-to-day life. Do some Use synonyms
parents
use Use synonyms
childcare
centres to keep their Use synonyms
children
till they work and some Use synonyms
parents
keep their Use synonyms
children
with their grandfather or grandmotherUse synonyms
.
From these two things, some Change the punctuation
?
parents
think that keeping their child in a Use synonyms
childcare
centre is the best option. But some of the other Use synonyms
parents
think that keeping their Use synonyms
children
with Use synonyms
grandparents
is the best option. I will discuss both of these views and Use synonyms
then
illustrate my opinion.
On the one hand, Linking Words
parents
think that keeping their Use synonyms
kids
with Use synonyms
grandparents
is the best option without keeping their Use synonyms
kids
in Use synonyms
childcare
centres. Lots of Use synonyms
kids
have a good connection between grandfather and grandmother. There are some reasons for Use synonyms
this
. One of Linking Words
it
is, Correct pronoun usage
these
Use synonyms
grandparents
take Correct word choice
that grandparents
care
of their grandchild from their hearts and they have a good connection between them too. So Use synonyms
kids
are very friendly with their Use synonyms
grandparents
and Use synonyms
grandparents
Use synonyms
also
take good Linking Words
care
of their grandchildren.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Some Linking Words
parents
think keeping their Use synonyms
kids
Use synonyms
a
Change preposition
in a
childcare
centre is a good thing. Actually, keeping Use synonyms
kids
in a Use synonyms
childcare
centre is a good thing because there are so many Use synonyms
kids
in that place. So Use synonyms
kids
can stay with lots of Use synonyms
kids
and spend their time with them happily together. Use synonyms
Also
, in Linking Words
childcare
centres, they take Use synonyms
a
Remove the article
apply
care
of everything. For Use synonyms
an
example, their doing activities with Correct article usage
apply
kids
, Use synonyms
their
feeding Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
kids
, and making Use synonyms
kids
Use synonyms
to
studyChange the verb form
apply
Rephrase
apply
also
. So Linking Words
kids
get used to doing their own things by them too.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, My opinion is to keep Linking Words
kids
with Use synonyms
grandparents
. Keeping Use synonyms
kids
with their Use synonyms
grandparents
is the best thing. One thing is, that Use synonyms
grandparents
take Use synonyms
a
very good Remove the article
apply
care
of their Use synonyms
children
, and the other thing is Use synonyms
kids
are very close to their Use synonyms
grandparents
, so they can stay with them happily and freely too.Use synonyms
Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on
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task achievement
The introduction of your essay provides a general overview of the topic, which is a good start. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines your position and what the essay will cover. It is crucial to make your stance clear from the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay generally sticks to the topic, but the body paragraphs do not expand on the ideas sufficiently. You need to develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant, specific examples to support them. Simply stating that grandparents have a good connection with grandchildren or that childcare centres offer certain activities is not enough. You must provide specific instances or evidence to illustrate these points.
coherence cohesion
While you have structured your essay into paragraphs, there is an uneven development of ideas within paragraphs, and transitions between them are not smooth. To achieve better coherence and cohesion, start by organizing your paragraphs around one central idea each. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively and ensure a natural flow of information.
task achievement
It is evident that you have an understanding of the task and attempt to present both sides of the argument. However, your personal opinion is not clearly distinguished from the discussion of the other views. Remember, in a discussion essay, your opinion should be clearly expressed, usually in a separate paragraph before the conclusion, to meet the expectations for a complete response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.