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Band 5.5

Some people believe the aim of university is to help graduate get better employment after they graduated. While some people believe that university could help graduate get better as a whole person

#people #aim #university #graduate #employment #person
When talking about
universities
'
functionality
, some
people
 believe that
universities
 can help
university
graduates
 get a better
job
 offer,
while
 others think that
College
 does not just get a
job
.
Universities
 can make
people
 become whole
people
. At the same
time
, it is undeniable that
university
 plays a crucial role in
graduates
'
job
 options. At the same
time
,
College
 does make
college
 students' lives more whole through both views of the
university
's essential
functionality
. Undoubtedly,
universities
 can help
university
graduates
 get a better offer. The market
favors
Change the spelling
favours
show examples
university
graduates
 more than those with low education levels.
Moreover
,
University
 students get professional guidance throughout their
university
 careers. It is not only for professional knowledge but
also
 about future career planning and how to make it happen.
For example
, in my
university
 studies, my professor knows we have poor English
skills
, and at the
time
, getting a wider choice of offers is essential. From
this
, it can be seen that
university
 students will find it easy to find a
job
. Because
university
 can be understood as a bridge to society, we can get help for future employment.
However
,
that is
 the only
functionality
 of
universities
.
In addition
 to
universities
,
in addition
 to the
university
, VTC
also
 has training for jobs.
Also
, many other very professional subjects may have a weak connection with the future
job
. From
this
, it can be seen that
universities
 have additional
functionality
.
College
 can help us know more about ourselves. In four years of a
university
 career, we use more than high school free
time
 without professional
skills
.
Time
 can make us become whole
people
.
For example
, We need communication
skills
, so we have group projects. We need
skills
 to enjoy life and to relax. The
College
 has some courses to make it up. We develop hobbies and interests, so we have
college
 clubs in the
university
 career. We
also
 learn that we have many shortcomings and explore more areas of our lives.
Universities
 help us with it. It is not just about
university
 studies.
Also
,
College
 gives us a little
time
 when we need to think freely. In conclusion,
although
universities
 can help
graduates
 get better jobs,
universities
 can make
people
 whole.
Submitted by x1204350549 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Introduction and conclusion were present but could be more defined. The essay lacks clear transitions and cohesive devices.
Task Achievement
Expand on key ideas with more distinct examples and evidence. Where examples are provided, make sure they are fully explained and directly related to the main argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure needs more clarity, with each paragraph focused on a single idea or argument. Work on paragraphing and topic sentences to guide the reader through your points.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion that reflects an understanding of all aspects of the topic. Argument needs more balance and depth in discussing both viewpoints of university education's purpose.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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