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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliance and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliance and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
#show #changes #ownership #appliance #amount #time #housework #households #country
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The line graphs illustrate alterations in electronic device
ownership
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 how much time is consumed in households for different tasks in one state from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
.It is explicit that
proportions
Correct article usage
the proportions
show examples
 of all electrical
appliances
Fix the agreement mistake
appliance
show examples
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased, and time spent doing housework in homes in one nation decreased between 1920 to 2019. In detail,there was no owner of the refrigerator in 1920,but
then
Linking Words
,Its
ownership
Use synonyms
 projected up to 51% in 1940.
This
Linking Words
 year,the washing machine
ownership
Use synonyms
 percentage was 60% more than both refrigerators and vacuum cleaners (50%).The refrigerator
ownership
Use synonyms
 proportion increased periodically to 100% in 1980.
Whereas
Linking Words
,the
ownership
Use synonyms
 percentage of both washing machines
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and vacuum cleaners was the same at 70% in 1960.
Then
Linking Words
,the
ownership
Use synonyms
 percentage of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 dropped to 65%,but
then
Linking Words
,rose to 70% again in 2000, and remained
unchange
Correct your spelling
unchanged
 till 2019.Vacuum cleaner
ownership
Use synonyms
 jumped to 100% equal to the refrigerator in 2000,and both
ownership
Use synonyms
 proportions remained the same in 2019. In the second graph,the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 decreased suddenly from 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in 1920 to 20
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in 1960.After that,time spent per
week
Use synonyms
 dropped slowly to slightly more than 10
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in 2019.
Submitted by jamalashraf45 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words ownership, hours, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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