In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Most nations across the globe have experienced a trend where more
people
from rural areas
are moving to the cities
which means there is a decrease in terms of population living in the countryside
. This
essay strongly argues that this
phenomenon is bad for the development of many countries due to
two main reasons.
Firstly
, leaving our hometowns to
Change preposition
for
cities
just because of finding
better opportunities means that we have overlooked the potential of those rural Change preposition
to find
areas
. This
is not a correct perspective since it will lead to a situation where skilled workers or those who are exposed to recent technological advancements are not willing to develop the resources that are often only available in the countryside
into products which have much bigger values to be sold. If this
trend continues, then
the economic activities will be only centred around several big cities
. For example
, there are many villages in Indonesia which have great potential in agriculture and fishing sectors. However
, because of the non-existance
of skilled workers in those Correct your spelling
non-existence
areas
, many of them still rely on traditional methods. By only using these kind
of techniques, they often cannot get good outcomes.
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
Secondly
, people
that are left behind in the rural areas
are becoming poorer and those who are moving to big cities
are often richer. The reason for this
is due to
the fact that people
living in the countryside
are not getting Correct article usage
the priviledges
priviledges
Correct your spelling
privileges
to have
minimum wages as big as those who are in the Change preposition
of having
cities
. People
that
are still in the villages usually Correct pronoun usage
who
do
not hesitant to receive small salaries as long as they can feed themselves and their families.
In conclusion, we need to socialize about the importance of staying in our hometowns and focus Verb problem
are
to create
new economic opportunities by using artificial intelligence or other Change preposition
on creating
state of the art
technologies in order to Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
make
more jobs in the rural Verb problem
create
areas
and improve the welfare of people
living there. By doing this
, we can also
minimize the gap in terms of the
wealth between Correct article usage
apply
people
who are still in the countryside
and those who are already staying in the cities
.Submitted by ravialdyhidayat on
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coherence cohesion
Please ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure, including well-organized paragraphs that link together cohesively. Your essay currently does not effectively guide the reader through a comprehensible argument, and connections between ideas are somewhat unclear.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting a clear introduction and conclusion that establish and summarize your argument. Your current introduction and conclusion are present but could be more explicit and cohesive in linking your ideas together and clearly stating your stance on the development.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with sustained, detailed, and accurate support. While the essay touches on potential drawbacks of rural to urban migration, the examples and explanations given are not fully expanded or thoroughly convincing as they lack sufficient detail and depth.
task achievement
Be sure to provide a complete response to the question, addressing the task both broadly and in detail. While you do address the general topic of rural to urban migration and its negative impacts, more nuanced discussion and contrast with potential positives could result in a more balanced and complete essay.
task achievement
Strive to present clear and comprehensive arguments within your essay. Aim for greater clarity in your exposition of ideas to ensure that the reader can easily follow your reasoning and understand the full implications of the points you are making.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. The single example provided (Indonesia's rural economic potential) is relevant, yet the essay would greatly benefit from additional examples and a clearer connection between the points raised and the broader issue of population migration and its consequences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.