IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive development is harm to the individuals and the society as a whole.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#tendency #news #reports #media #focus #emergencies #development #harm #individuals #society
I agree to a greater
extent
 with the statement that the tendency of
news
reports
 in the media to
focus
 more on
problems
 and emergencies than on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive development because it leads to society and
resources
to diminish
Change the verb form
diminishing
show examples
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to a
ppor
Correct your spelling
poor
nation
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
ww
Correct your spelling
we
 must not forget the
problems
 because we have to curb them. I agree to a greater
extent
 with the statement that
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
news
reports
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
focus
 more on emergencies and
problems
 is a harm because it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to a poor
nation
 because they will be focusing more and
spenting
Correct your spelling
spending
 more on
problems
 and
this
 will cause a
nation
 to run out of funds. Moreso,focusing on
problems
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
harm because it can lead to
Correct article usage
the explition
show examples
explition
Correct your spelling
exploitation
 of
resources
.If
resources
 are
explited
Correct your spelling
exploited
 it means that we will have people living under the poverty datum line and
therefore
this
 will be harmful to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society.
However
 to a lesser
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
 the
news
reports
 must
focus
 on the
problemsso
Correct your spelling
problems
problems so
 thatthe
nation
 will find a way and solutions to overcome the
problems
also
 , so as to track and monitor the effectiveness of their efforts. In conclusion, l agree with the
nation
Correct your spelling
notion
show examples
 that analysis of
news
reports
 in the media should
focus
 more on the
problems
 and emergencies than on the positive developments because it leads to a poor society and
resources
 to diminish.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 to a lesser
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
 they must
also
focus
 on the
problems
 so as to find a way to reduce them. 252 words
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the essay has a clear introductory paragraph that sets out your main argument. The rest of your essay must consistently support this argument with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, present your ideas in a logical manner with clear and distinct paragraphs for each main point. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas, paragraphs and sentences.
task achievement
Include a conclusive paragraph that effectively summarizes your argument and addresses the question posed in the task. Make sure the conclusion does not introduce new ideas.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your main ideas. This adds credibility to your arguments and aids in fully responding to the essay question.
task achievement
Refrain from repeating points. Aim to broaden your argument by discussing multiple aspects of the issue, acknowledging counterarguments if necessary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!