22.Some people think that with the increasing use of mobile phones and computers, people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Tecnology
is one of the Correct your spelling
Technology
imprtant
things nowadays. Correct your spelling
important
Manay
Correct your spelling
Many
people
use phones
and computers to communicate with people
in far distens
.I strongly agree that mobile Correct your spelling
distance
phones
and computer
help to lose the ability to communicate Fix the agreement mistake
computers
face
to face
.
To start with, most of
Change preposition
apply
people
became
lazy because of Wrong verb form
have become
useing
Correct your spelling
using
phones
and computer
to communicate with friends and family .Fix the agreement mistake
computers
Insaed
of going out and Correct your spelling
Instead
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
time
together and have
fun they just Wrong verb form
having
texts
each other Change the verb form
text
by
Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
the phones
phones
. on Fix the agreement mistake
phone
this
point it could effct
Correct your spelling
effect
affect
there
Correct your spelling
their
presonalitys
, Correct your spelling
personality
personalities
it
will be hard to communicate with Correct word choice
and it
peolpe
in real life. Correct your spelling
people
For
example
it Add a comma
example,
hapend
to Correct your spelling
happen
happened
happens
my
Correct pronoun usage
me
on
covid -19 Change preposition
during
time
in 2020 . I was
communicate with my Unnecessary verb
apply
famliy
by phone and know it Correct your spelling
family
effect
Verb problem
affects
on
my personality, it is very hard Change preposition
apply
to
me to talk with Change preposition
for
people
. Moreover
, it could effect
on ur Correct your spelling
affect
eye
by using electronics for Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
long
Change the article
a long
time
it can cuse
haedack Correct your spelling
cause
also
, it waste
Change the verb form
wastes
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
time
so it could effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
your Change preposition
apply
meantial
health . Correct your spelling
mental
For
example
you can Add a comma
example,
forgot
to eat because of the Change the verb form
forget
addicion
Correct your spelling
addition
addiction
on
these electronics.
Change preposition
to
To sum up
, mobile phones
and computer
are go things that Fix the agreement mistake
computers
helps
Change the verb form
help
people
to communicate with each other but in my point of view i
prefer Change the capitalization
I
people
to communicate face
to face
.Submitted by aljoori95 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay does not demonstrate a clear logical structure, with ideas appearing fragmented and underdeveloped. To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph contains one main idea, supported by relevant details and clear transition phrases linking them together.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need refining. Both should clearly state the writer's position and summarize the main points. Incorporate a clear thesis statement in the introduction and restate your arguments succinctly in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are identifiable but lack development and substantiation through specific examples or explanations. Work on expanding your ideas and providing clear evidence or anecdotes to support your arguments.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete and ideas are not fully extended or well supported. To achieve higher scores, ensure you address all parts of the prompt, clearly express your opinion, and elaborate on your points comprehensively.
task achievement
Ideas in the essay need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on sentence construction, use a wide range of vocabulary, and ensure the essay flows logically from one idea to the next.
task achievement
While relevant specifics are included, they are not effectively used to support your argument. Incorporate more detailed and persuasive examples and ensure they are directly related to the main points you are trying to make.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.