IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

22.Some people think that with the increasing use of mobile phones and computers, people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Tecnology
Correct your spelling
Technology
 is one of the
imprtant
Correct your spelling
important
 things nowadays.
Manay
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 use
phones
Use synonyms
 and computers to communicate with
people
Use synonyms
 in far
distens
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distance
.I strongly agree that mobile
phones
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 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 help to lose the ability to communicate
face
Use synonyms
 to
face
Use synonyms
 .
Body
To start with, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 lazy because of
useing
Correct your spelling
using
phones
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to communicate with friends and family .
Insaed
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Instead
 of going out and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 together and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 fun they just
texts
Change the verb form
text
show examples
 each other
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the phones
show examples
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
. on
this
Linking Words
 point it could
effct
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effect
affect
there
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their
show examples
presonalitys
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personality
personalities
,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 will be hard to communicate with
peolpe
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people
 in real life.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it
hapend
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happen
happened
happens
 to
my
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
on
Change preposition
during
show examples
 covid -19
time
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 in 2020 . I
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
communicate with my
famliy
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family
 by phone and know it
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my personality, it is very hard
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 me to talk with
people
Use synonyms
 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, it could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 on ur
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
 by using electronics for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 it can
cuse
Correct your spelling
cause
 haedack
also
Linking Words
 , it
waste
Change the verb form
wastes
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
time
Use synonyms
 so it could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
meantial
Correct your spelling
mental
 health .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 you can
forgot
Change the verb form
forget
show examples
 to eat because of the
addicion
Correct your spelling
addition
addiction
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these electronics.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 are go things that
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate with each other but in my point of view
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 prefer
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate
face
Use synonyms
 to
face
Use synonyms
 .

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coherence cohesion
The essay does not demonstrate a clear logical structure, with ideas appearing fragmented and underdeveloped. To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph contains one main idea, supported by relevant details and clear transition phrases linking them together.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need refining. Both should clearly state the writer's position and summarize the main points. Incorporate a clear thesis statement in the introduction and restate your arguments succinctly in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are identifiable but lack development and substantiation through specific examples or explanations. Work on expanding your ideas and providing clear evidence or anecdotes to support your arguments.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete and ideas are not fully extended or well supported. To achieve higher scores, ensure you address all parts of the prompt, clearly express your opinion, and elaborate on your points comprehensively.
task achievement
Ideas in the essay need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on sentence construction, use a wide range of vocabulary, and ensure the essay flows logically from one idea to the next.
task achievement
While relevant specifics are included, they are not effectively used to support your argument. Incorporate more detailed and persuasive examples and ensure they are directly related to the main points you are trying to make.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • interpersonal skills
  • overreliance
  • digital communication platforms
  • convenience
  • efficiency
  • social bonds
  • enhance
  • bridging long distances
  • fostering connections
  • age groups
  • adept
  • integrating
  • landscape
  • emotional intelligence
  • nuances
  • striking a balance
  • limitations
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