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Band 6

The following is a diagram of the mobile phone recycling process.

#phone #process
A glance at the flow chart delineates information about the cell phone recycling process.
Overall
, it can be explicitly perceived that
this
 procedure includes four general stages.
According to
 the diagram, mobile phones are collected after expiring the useful life of consumption. The next stage is storage and forwarding, prior to the resale of components. In the former,
this
 technological appliance is divided into phones and batteries. Afterwards, the cells are immediately dismantled and
then
 separated using mechanical and magnetic approaches.
Likewise
, batteries encountered these discernible twofold methods too. Concerning the subsequent phase, the separation results in either metal parts or wiring board, plastics, and other materials. For the
first,
the invaluable metals and copper are refined and smelted, respectively, eventually causing the portions to be engaged again.
However
, there is a more complex scenario for plastics, fewer grades of which are accessible after passing the reprocessing,
as well as
 the incineration, the other subdivision, can provide the recovered energy startlingly. It is noteworthy that the illustration does not expose how other materials are reprocessed.
Submitted by mohammadhassan.rajati on

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Task Achievement
Try to include a brief conclusion or summary in your essay to effectively round up your explanation of the process.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Continuing to incorporate specific details from the diagram when describing each stage will strengthen your essays.
Task Achievement
You effectively paraphrased the introduction, giving a clear overview of the mobile phone recycling process.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay clearly reflects the stages of the process as depicted in the diagram, demonstrating good coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
The use of technical terms related to the recycling process shows a good understanding of the topic and contributes to the coherence of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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