IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

With rising concerns about environmental degradation, some argue that the government should hold individuals accountable for their environmental impact. Do you agree or disagree?

#concerns #degradation #argue #government #individuals #impact
Nowadays the discussions about the problems which are connected with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues are growing. Some
people
 say that the state authorities should implement certain
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
 for the
people
 interacting with
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
. I partially agree with
this
 statement and I believe that not only humans are responsible for environmental protection. Undoubtedly, the
people
 living in
this
 world and interacting with nature have some duties in consideration not to bring negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 to it. To be specific, if the
government
 creates some rules and instructions not to harm the environment,
individuals
 will obey them.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 there should be some educational directions for
people
 giving them the importance
to care
Change preposition
of caring
show examples
 for the environment.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the officials with
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 some environmental laws do not forget about the
rewarding
Replace the word
reward
show examples
 points for good behavior of
individuals
 and punishment for breaking these rules. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 know about fines they should pay or matters which include bonuses they might act more responsibly.
On the other hand
, the responsibility for the actions
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the ecosystems lies not only
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
people
 themselves but for the
government
also
. Sometimes it is really difficult for the
government
 to control obeying all the rules.
In addition
, it could be expensive to watch and check everyone’s
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
.
Furthermore
, there are some large companies and corporations where the harm
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nature is bigger than
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
individuals
.
In addition
, it may be not fair for everyone
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 poor
people
 might be unfairly punished. In conclusion, there are some responsibilities and duties, connected with environmental issues, which are not only for the
individuals
 but
also
 for the
government
 as I consider that both sides should participate and be responsible for
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 actions.
Submitted by zavkidm on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. While your essay includes these components, aim to establish a stronger thesis statement in your introduction and a more decisive stance in your conclusion.
logical structure
Develop a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Your discussion shifts between the role of individuals and the government, but it lacks a clear and consistent argument that progresses from point to point.
supported main points
Provide clear and specific examples to support your main points. Examples enhance the persuasiveness of your argument but were somewhat lacking in the essay provided.
complete response
Address the task directly and maintain a consistent response throughout your essay. While your essay touches upon the topic, it oscillates between viewpoints instead of presenting a clear agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
Organize your ideas clearly and coherently to make them easily understandable. Ensuring that each paragraph has a central idea and is supported by relevant information will make your argument stronger.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your claims. Your essay would be strengthened by including detailed examples that clearly connect to the argument you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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