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Band 5

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

#home #hands #machines #development
Nowadays, technologies can replace human hands in some activities even daily. I believe the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks. The development of
technology
 makes our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easier and more time-efficient. To exemplify, payment at toll gates used to be operated by humans now become
machine’s work
Change noun form
machines
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. We used to experience many steps to pay.
First,
we gave our entry ticket to the staff,
then
 we waited for the staff to scan the ticket. After that, we had to pay the price in cash, if we did not give them the exact amount of cash, the staff should give
the
Correct pronoun usage
us the
show examples
 change, and
finally
Add a comma
finally,
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 the gate is open.
Whereas
, nowadays we just have to pass the gate and it is paid automatically. Our car does not have to stop, but just sticks a sticker that has a sensor for payment at the toll gates.
As a result
, it shows that our country is developed.
Although
 there are benefits, there
is
Verb problem
apply
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a
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 to the development of
technology
. As an example that has been said above, these days, toll gates operated by machines could affect job vacancies in a negative way. Humans will be losing their jobs because of the replacement of manpower with
technology
, which can lead to decreasing job availability. In conclusion, after analyzing both sides, I believe that the development of
technology
 leads to more beneficial impacts than drawbacks.
Technology
 is developed by humans, so I tend to think that
technology
 could not replace human work totally, it just made our lives easier.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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task achievement
The essay should begin with an introduction that clearly paraphrases the question and presents a thesis statement. Consider directly addressing the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction for greater clarity.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points with further elaboration, explanation, and more varied examples. Each main point should be clearly stated and followed by supporting details that directly relate to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear progression of ideas from one sentence to another and from one paragraph to the next. This can be enhanced through the use of a wider range of cohesive devices and transitions.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should effectively summarize the points made in the essay and restate your position. This is essential to solidify your argument and to leave a strong final impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Manual labor
  • Displacement
  • Homemaking skills
  • Technological advancements
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Resource depletion
  • Energy efficiency
  • Social dynamics
  • Operational understanding
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