IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #society
It is believed that in many nations traditional
foods
 are being replaced by fast
foods
, and
this
 will impact humans' health at different levels, including individuals, families and society. In
this
 article, I will explain why I agree with
this
 opinion. On one hand, fast
foods
 are considered unhealthy since they are full of saturated fats and empty calories.
This
 will lead to many diseases,
such
 as cardiovascular disease and stroke.
Thus
, human beings are being sick more often than not.
Moreover
, these individuals form and shape the community, and if the consumption of these
foods
 is high in one country, it is estimated that they will put pressure on the government to provide healthcare facilities which are financial burden
in other words
.
In addition
, people spend so much
time
 together for preparation and eating the traditional
foods
.
Therefore
, if families start eating outdoors, it means that they would not spend so much
time
 together.
For instance
, a family has to purchase the ingredients, peel and cut vegetables and the like which would strengthen their bonds.
However
, eating packaged
foods
 limits
this
time
, and they would not be close enough
further
.
However
, there are still some couples that prefer home-cooked meals as they are aware of their nutritional value. They are usually more health conscious and have better relationships. As convincing as
this
 point is, the general trend in the world shows the dominance of the previous trend. What we have to do is to make the society and each member of it more aware of the benefits of the home-made meals.
To sum up
,
while
 there is no other option to seek for our daily food consumption, and we do not have enough
time
 to devote to cookery, we might start consuming fast
foods
. It will affect individuals on different levels from person to the whole community, but there are still some solutions to solve
this
 complication.
Submitted by sheida95jahanbekam on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clearer context for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on tightening your argumentation in each paragraph. Each main idea should be clearly presented and supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Watch for minor grammatical errors and sentence structure issues, as they could affect the clarity of your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction that presents the topic and your stance on it.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with distinct paragraphs, each addressing different aspects of the topic.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the negative impacts of fast food on individuals, families, and society.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Impact
  • Nutritious
  • Cultural heritage
  • Identity
  • Economic implications
  • Locally sourced
  • Social cohesion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Cultural transmission
  • Convenience
  • Traditional dishes
  • Biodiversity
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