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Band 4.5

Some students take a year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to work or to travel. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#students #year #school #university #work #travel
There has been considerable debate
to
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as to
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 whether a gap year is beneficial to students who may choose to find a job or go on an excursion
instead
 of
further
 accomplishing
within
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apply
show examples
their specialities. Which could be detrimental to how they succeed within their
field
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both the
merit
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merits
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 and
demerit
Fix the agreement mistake
demerits
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 of
this
 notion and shed
a
Correct article usage
apply
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light on the preference for the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
.
Firstly
, taking
breaks
 after education may be favourable to
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
show examples
 mental health as it allows them to reset and essentially take a break.
This
 will allow them to become refreshed, permitting them to put all their focus
onto
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on
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 the favoured subject in which they had studied. They could obtain a lot more experience in their
field
, doing internships or work placements
as well as
 saving money, to start up their own business within their
field
.
Moreover
,
this
 means that when taking
this
 recess, the personage will become more efficient, appreciating one's achievements and is able to exceed more than their qualification alone.
On the other hand
, on a
complete
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completely
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 different stance
by
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of
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altruism's
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altruism
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, taking long pauses in education, going travelling or working in a different
field
, may create distance to the individual's accomplishments. It may perhaps be a detrimental decision for the
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 careers, leading them to possibly
forgetting
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forget
show examples
 their specifications and knowledge.
This
 implies that the years they studied
has
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have
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 inevitably gone to waste as they no longer want to pursue it.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 when taking
breaks
, individuals may develop imposter syndrome
due to
 new information and experiences, making them want to do something completely different.
Overall
, exploring both aspects, I strongly opine that
although
breaks
 can be advantageous, long
breaks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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 more complications
that
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than
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 merits.
This
 has
concured
Correct your spelling
caused
 me to reiterate that gap years are not beneficial for students who want to pursue a career in their chosen specialty.
Submitted by Sandraali_k on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use more cohesive devices such as transition words and synonyms to improve the flow of your essay. Ensure the introduction and conclusion encapsulate your main argument and overall viewpoint clearly. Your essay could benefit from a clearer structure by having distinct paragraphs that begin with a topic sentence and follow with supportive details.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address the question and provide a balanced view when necessary. Explore all parts of the prompt to give a complete response, and aim to present ideas fully, taking the time to develop each one with specific examples and explanations. Conclude with a summary that reflects your comprehensive coverage of the topic and restate your overall position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Real-world experience
  • Personal growth
  • Enhanced employability
  • Academic pressures
  • Maturity
  • Academic momentum
  • Financial implications
  • Out of sync
  • Lack of structure
What to do next:
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