The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
The table shows the
number
of individuals who visited Ashdown Museum a year before and after it was renovated. The pie charts were divided into five categories, very satisfied, satisfied, dissatisfied, very dissatisfied, and no response. They compare the amount of people's satisfaction after and before the renovation. At first glance, the
number
of
visitors
after refurbishment dramatically increased and most of them were satisfied despite a year before refurbishment which a great
number
of them were dissatisfied. It can be seen that during
this
period the total
number
of
visitors
rose from 74000 to 92000. The segment related to very dissatisfied people became half which was negligible. Numerous
visitors
declared their dissatisfaction at 40 which fell to 15 after one year.
According to
the charts,
three-quarter
Fix the agreement mistake
three-quarters
show examples
of the
whole
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
visitors
were pleased
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
the renovation. Just over a third and two-fifths of individuals who visited
this
gallery were very satisfied and satisfied respectively.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the figures for these people in the past were 15 and a little less than a third.
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor statistics
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal trends
  • demographics
  • benchmarking
  • feedback mechanisms
  • amenities
  • exhibitions
  • customer experience
  • turnaround
  • user engagement
  • footfall
  • improvements
  • disparities
  • perception
  • enhancements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: