IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and societies To what extent do you agree?

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It is often argued that social media is impacting our daily lives both on an individual and societal level.
However
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, it is hard to deny that people are using it for various online negative activities. So, I agree with the given statement and I have ample points to prove my stand.
To begin
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 with, one of the biggest issues that can be seen easily is that individuals like to spend their
time
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 chatting with friends online or watching movies,
hence
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 they have no
time
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 for family. Back in the day, families used to come together to spend some quality
time
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, but nowadays, everybody likes to chat or video call on WhatsApp rather than meet offline.
For example
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, a survey conducted by BBC shows that up to seventy per cent of youngster like to spend their
time
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 online, which is a matter of concern.
Moreover
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, it is hard to ignore when it comes to bullying and online stalking. People who spend most of their
time
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 on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are more likely to get stalked by online predators. Moving
further
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, it
also
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 impacts their social life, as it becomes hard for them to make friends in school or at work.
For instance
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, a report submitted by Times Magazine shared that teenagers are the ones who get the worst out of it as it becomes hard for them when it comes to social networking.
To conclude
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, I agree that people of all ages like to escape the real world, where they can forget about their stressful life, but spending too much
time
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 on the phone and especially chatting with random folks is not positive either.

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Task Achievement
Continue to share relevant examples to support your arguments as it greatly strengthens your position and makes your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
To keep improving, consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the complexity and fluency of your expressions.
Task Achievement
Try to explore both sides of the argument, even if you take a clear stance. This could provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence
Excellent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence & Task Achievement
Good use of specific examples to support your points.
Coherence
Well-developed paragraphs that are logically organized and easy to follow.
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