IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some citizens believe Advertising
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best route
can
Correct word choice
and can
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 affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and
persuading
Wrong verb form
persuade
show examples
 them to buy things
while
Linking Words
 others say
this
Linking Words
 way
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
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 answer and we no longer pay attention to it because of common.
Overall
Linking Words
, when
Correct article usage
an advisitor
show examples
advisitor
Correct your spelling
a visitor
visitor
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to advert some
people
Use synonyms
, probably they forget to be honest and care about money more
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 definitely need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 advertising because they
are'nt
Correct your spelling
aren't
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
variety
Add an article
the variety
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 of new
products
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both aspects of
this
Linking Words
 subject will be explored.
Initially
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,
feeling
Correct article usage
the feeling
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
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 can be changed by some
beautifull
Correct your spelling
beautiful
 words.
However
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, some
of
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apply
show examples
Add an article
the advisor
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advisor
Fix the agreement mistake
advisors
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probabely
Correct your spelling
probably
 don't attention
to
Add the comma(s)
, to
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 honest about what they want to say, and
this
Linking Words
 can have
terrible
Add an article
a terrible
show examples
 effect on the citizen's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, leading
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 choose their way without advertising.
For example
Linking Words
, some
shopper
Fix the agreement mistake
shoppers
show examples
 would rather
compelling person
Wrong verb form
be compelled
show examples
 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
induce
Wrong verb form
are induced
show examples
 to tell not the truth when have useless T-shirts and can's sell them to
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
be
Change the form of the verb
being
show examples
 honest is undeniable, whether advertising
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
show examples
 is
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
Correct article usage
the succes
show examples
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 of advertising
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the persuading population. Meanwhile, lots of
people
Use synonyms
 extremely need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advertising because
this
Linking Words
 can help them to make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right decision owing to
unaware
Add a missing verb
being unaware
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 buying new
products
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, every
goods
Change to a singular noun
good
show examples
 has
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
 way of
use
Use synonyms
, that all of
citizens
Add an article
the citizens
show examples
 should be considered.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they need to be
familliar
Correct your spelling
familiar
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 these
routs
Correct your spelling
routes
show examples
 to
use
Use synonyms
correctly
Correct pronoun usage
them correctly
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the first time when
people
Use synonyms
 buy a computer, they can't
use
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 accurately, so with the right advertising about buying and using these things, they can prevent
to injure
Change the verb form
injuring
show examples
 them.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
success
Add an article
the success
show examples
 of advertising because some
people
Use synonyms
definitelly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 need it when they want to
use
Use synonyms
 or buy different
products
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
seller
Fix the agreement mistake
sellers
show examples
 have to
be considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 the
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 of customers and be honest to
grapping
Correct your spelling
grab
attention
Correct article usage
the attention
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
.

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Logical Structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea throughout, avoiding deviation into other topics.
Introduction/Conclusion Present
Introduction and conclusion should be clear and reflect the main content of the essay. The conclusion needs to summarise the main points discussed and clearly state the writer's opinion.
Supported Main Points
Support main points with clear and relevant examples and explanations that directly relate to the topic.
Complete Response
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Develop ideas comprehensively, making sure that the essay provides depth in the analysis of the topic and presents a balanced argument.
Relevant Specific Examples
Use a range of examples, including specific details where possible, to support your arguments and make them more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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