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Band 6

Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat.

#parents #children
Monitoring
children
's
weight
 is one of the integral parts of parenting though punishing them for
weight
 gain is not the right option. I disagree with
this
 statement as there are several other ways to spread awareness about the consequences of obesity. Obesity in
children
 is a global issue. Monitoring the
weight
 of the
children
 at school and sending it to the parents through the report card can be a good alternate solution for the issue
instead
 of punishing them. If the parents get the report card regularly they can provide their
children
 with healthy meals to keep them fit. Nowadays schools prepare meal charts for each of their students, they should monitor
weight
 gain too. They can set up a
weight
 measurement system at the entry gate so they can keep an eye on primary school students. Physical activities could help in reducing
weight
 too. Most of the
children
 do not do proper exercise in the school
as well as
 at home. Schools should promote sports by organizing health and benefit competitions which will generate
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in kids about the sports and eventually it will
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in being fit. They spend most of their time with mobile phones. Parents should focus on taking their kids to the park or playground to do some physical activities like running and jumping. That will help them to keep healthy. In conclusion, I would say there are many ways to keep their child away from obesity. As a pre-requisite plan, Monitoring the
weight
 and equally
promoting
Verb problem
encouraging
show examples
children
 to spend some time on sports.
Submitted by raahulspatil.1 on

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task response
You should ensure that your essay has a clear opinion throughout, directly addressing the question. In this case, the prompt asks whether parents of obese children should be punished, and the essay should focus primarily on this aspect, with a clear position stated in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Aim to create a logical flow between paragraphs, with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each one, and clear progression from one idea to the next. The use of linking words can help with this, as can arranging your arguments in a logical order.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • genetics
  • socio-economic status
  • nutritional education
  • physical activity programs
  • adverse effects
  • mental health issues
  • responsibility sharing
  • implementation
  • privileged families
  • supportive environment
  • lifestyle changes
  • educational campaigns
What to do next:
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