People should be allowed to obscure their identity online. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, everything is done online over offline
due to
the fast and easiest way. It is believed by some that
identity
should not be exposed online.
This
essay will argue why I do not support
this
statement entirely by providing some supportive examples. On the one hand,
people
argue to keep their
identity
safe and not to share online.
This
is because as they think of the fraud they can become the victim of it. When they share, something private online, there is a huge threat of being stolen that
information
without noticing it and
then
they are being bullied by strangers.
For instance
, research is evident that 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of the
people
on Facebook receive fake usernames and messages and get trapped by fraudsters easily. Their private
information
and pictures are utilized for other illegal purposes.
Hence
, it is believed to not expose the
identity
on online platforms.
On the other hand
, uploading
identity
online is imperative in various aspects. To receive a better opportunity for a job in any field,
people
have to give them all their
information
such
as their names, phone numbers, email IDs etcetera on social sites like Indeed and
Linkedln
Correct your spelling
Linked
.
For example
, many friends of mine put
this
information
on LinkedIn with their resumes and pictures to get a job.
Therefore
,
people
need to put
this
online to receive better opportunities despite having some risks to their
identity
from fraudsters. In conclusion,
although
it is important to hide the
identity
on social media most importantly to reduce the fear of being bullied by strangers, it is simply essential to share it online on
such
platforms that can make the future better in terms of providing job offers.
Submitted by neetpunar on

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coherence cohesion
You have presented a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable. However, the connection between ideas can be improved with smoother transitions and more cohesive devices.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single central idea, supported by clear examples or evidence. Avoid being too general; specificity will make an argument more convincing and relevant.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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