IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

SOME SAY THAT IN ALL LEVELS OF EDUCATION TOO MUCH TIME IS SPENT LEARNING FACTS AND NOT ENOUGH ON LEARNING PRACTICAL SKILLS. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#say #levels #education #time #facts #skills
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is an irrefutable fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 people are expendituring more
time
Use synonyms
 to learn something, but they cannot manage their
time
Use synonyms
 to get an experience on the practical
skills
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I agree that all
education
Use synonyms
 degrees which spend more
time
Use synonyms
 and do not teach the population any experience are a waste of
time
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, students should
be learn
Change the verb form
be learning
show examples
 their qualification lessons which contain their future job. The lessons should
teach
Wrong verb form
be taught
show examples
 by skilled personnel who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10+ years
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
 and there should be a lot of practical exercises during the semester.
For instance
Linking Words
, the student who learns a technical profession should not spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
time
Use synonyms
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 humanitarian subjects
such
Linking Words
 as history and literature.
Consequently
Linking Words
, all degrees of
education
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not much more important in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one's working life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nowadays, all companies hire
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experienced staff who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very good
practise
Replace the word
practice
show examples
 on
vacancy
Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
show examples
. In the development
sectory
Correct your spelling
sector
,
who hire
Wrong verb form
hiring
show examples
 a developer does not care about the staff
education
Use synonyms
 degree,
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their code
skills
Use synonyms
,
algoritms
Correct your spelling
algorithms
 and soft
skills
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the Google company, people apply there
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
developer
Fix the agreement mistake
developers
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 they don't
gradute
Correct your spelling
graduate
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
tecnhical
Correct your spelling
technical
 university.
As a result
Linking Words
, spending more
time
Use synonyms
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 facts
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all levels of
education
Use synonyms
 will not increase job opportunities. In conclusion,
expending
Verb problem
spending
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 to learn new facts about everything is good for people's knowledge, but
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
show examples
 affect their practical
skills
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, gaining practical
skills
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a big role
of find
Change preposition
in finding
show examples
 new
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 with
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
 salary.
Submitted by orxanmikayilov44 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure & Clarity
The overall structure of the essay could benefit from a more logical flow and clearer progression of ideas. Introduction and conclusion need to be more distinct and directly address the task prompt. Main points should be expanded and clearly linked to each other with cohesive devices.
Argument Development
Work on developing the task response with more depth and detail. Your essay should more thoroughly address the prompt by providing a balanced argument with both sides considered before stating a clear opinion. Include an explanation of why too much time spent on learning facts can be detrimental and compare this with the benefits of practical skills education.
Support & Examples
Your essay lacks relevant examples and evidences to support your points. Providing concrete examples and detailed explanations could significantly strengthen your arguments and overall task achievement score. Aim to incorporate specific situations or statistical information that aligns with your argument.
Grammar & Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. Focus on improving your grammatical range and accuracy, as well as sentence structures for a higher score.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: