SOME SAY THAT IN ALL LEVELS OF EDUCATION TOO MUCH TIME IS SPENT LEARNING FACTS AND NOT ENOUGH ON LEARNING PRACTICAL SKILLS. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
It is an irrefutable fact that
,
people are expendituring more Remove the comma
apply
time
to learn something, but they cannot manage their time
to get an experience on the practical skills
. In my opinion, I agree that all education
degrees which spend more time
and do not teach the population any experience are a waste of time
.
Firstly
, students should be learn
their qualification lessons which contain their future job. The lessons should Change the verb form
be learning
teach
by skilled personnel who Wrong verb form
be taught
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
10+ years Correct article usage
apply
experience
and there should be a lot of practical exercises during the semester. Change preposition
of experience
For instance
, the student who learns a technical profession should not spend the
more Correct article usage
apply
time
to learn
humanitarian subjects Change the verb form
learning
such
as history and literature. Consequently
, all degrees of education
is
not much more important in Correct subject-verb agreement
are
the
one's working life.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, nowadays, all companies hire a
experienced staff who Correct article usage
apply
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
very good Correct article usage
apply
practise
on Replace the word
practice
vacancy
. In the development Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
sectory
, Correct your spelling
sector
who hire
a developer does not care about the staff Wrong verb form
hiring
education
degree, only
Add a missing verb
is only
interest
Replace the word
interested
on
Change preposition
in
the
their code Remove the article
apply
skills
, algoritms
and soft Correct your spelling
algorithms
skills
. For example
, in the Google company, people apply there such
as Correct quantifier usage
apply
developer
, Fix the agreement mistake
developers
although
they don't gradute
from Correct your spelling
graduate
the
Correct article usage
a
tecnhical
university. Correct your spelling
technical
As a result
, spending more time
learing
facts Correct your spelling
learning
in
all levels of Change preposition
at
education
will not increase job opportunities.
In conclusion, expending
more Verb problem
spending
time
to learn new facts about everything is good for people's knowledge, but don't
affect their practical Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
skills
. From my point of view, gaining practical skills
play
a big role Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
of find
new Change preposition
in finding
works
with Fix the agreement mistake
work
bigger
salary.Add an article
a bigger
Submitted by orxanmikayilov44 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Structure & Clarity
The overall structure of the essay could benefit from a more logical flow and clearer progression of ideas. Introduction and conclusion need to be more distinct and directly address the task prompt. Main points should be expanded and clearly linked to each other with cohesive devices.
Argument Development
Work on developing the task response with more depth and detail. Your essay should more thoroughly address the prompt by providing a balanced argument with both sides considered before stating a clear opinion. Include an explanation of why too much time spent on learning facts can be detrimental and compare this with the benefits of practical skills education.
Support & Examples
Your essay lacks relevant examples and evidences to support your points. Providing concrete examples and detailed explanations could significantly strengthen your arguments and overall task achievement score. Aim to incorporate specific situations or statistical information that aligns with your argument.
Grammar & Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. Focus on improving your grammatical range and accuracy, as well as sentence structures for a higher score.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.