Some museums charge for entrance while others are free. Discuss the reasons for both approaches and give your own opinion
Have you ever paid for a museum entry?
While
some museums
charge visitors
for entrance, some of them don’t. there are two diverse points of view on museums
taking funds from people
.one of which is of the opinion that visitors
must pay the museums
for their visit. Conversely
, the other one believes that visiting museums
should be free. I agree with the second idea.
On the one hand, some individuals state that due to
entry charges, many people
are not able to afford visiting
Change the verb form
to visit
museums
which is not fair. Just consider families with low income, not having enough budget to take their children to such
cultural destinations. In fact
only a certain group of citizens can enjoy these places which may show the lack of justice. Only when Add a comma
fact,
museums
avoid taking
entry fees, all Verb problem
paying
people
could
have the chance to visit them. As a matter of fact, with Verb problem
apply
this
method, not only will everyone enjoy visiting museums
, but also
the number of visitors
will get
Verb problem
apply
increased
.
Wrong verb form
increase
On the other hand
, Some people
tend to state that visiting museums
should not be priceless. This
is largely due to
preserving the unique objects kept on
these places and for the museum’s Change preposition
in
members
Change noun form
members'
member's
salary
which Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
are
vital. Just consider how responsible Change the verb form
is
museums
are towards maintaining antique articles and how much money they are supposed to pay their staff. In fact, with museums
selling tickets to visitors
, not only will they enhance the quality of conserving items, but also
they can provide the employee’s payment from
these fees.
In conclusion, Change preposition
for
although
museums
not taking money from visitors
might seem pretty much fair, it may cause issues for the museum’s quality and museums
must get funds in order to have a better condition. I find the second idea more appropriate however
in future
Correct article usage
the future
museums
can fix some specific days for free visits.Submitted by Arman on
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coherence cohesion
In terms of task achievement, your essay addresses the question, but the ideas could be more fully developed and expanded with relevant examples from real-life scenarios. Your opinion is clear, although further illustration of your point of view would be beneficial. Considering coherence and cohesion, the essay generally follows a logical order, but transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they would benefit from a clearer thesis statement and summary of main points, respectively. Furthermore, supporting main points should be elaborated upon to strenghen the arguments. Lastly, ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea, and use a range of cohesive devices.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, ensure that the essay prompts are fully addressed by expanding on your main points with detailed examples. Furthermore, the balance between the discussion of both viewpoints could be improved to meet the requirement of 'discussion of both views and a conclusion'. A balanced argument leads to a more thorough discussion and enhances the overall task achievement score. Make your opinion even more prominent by justifying it with clear and persuasive reasoning. Lastly, examples should be directly related to the claims you are making and should be as specific as possible to support your arguments effectively.